Go to Whoa

Deniliquin water tower

 Late last year I took on a contract role, my first full time employment for 26 years. Early this year, Mum was admitted to hospital and I became Dad's driver, morphing into shopper, driver, general back stop and advocate. I went from three easy days a week at work to five hard days plus supporting Dad.
I find the timing so very odd: Dad has died and my contract finishes in 19 days time. 
Why, I wonder, did all that intensity happen in the same six month period?  Why did it all intersect so precisely?

What will be next? Will I go from go, go, go to STOP.

I do hope to have a bit of a break but I don't want to be unemployed for long if at all.

A holiday would be nice: I thought of a Murray River cruise (too expensive) a reading holiday with a water view (a good idea) or maybe a reading holiday with a bush or mountain view (also a good idea).

I also have had in mind for some time in the future a tour of silo art (I don't think I want to do that right now) 

And then I thought of another option: a trip to see Lake Eyre, it only fills properly a few times a century so this could be my last chance.

Let me get through the funeral and finish the contract and then if I can set the ducks in a row, I think I'd like to see Lake Eyre.

Bye bye, Curly Top

 After my last post, Dad had a couple of goodish days and then became very sleepy and very grumpy.

On Saturday night the nursing home's resident cat slept on his bed and I was sure it was foretelling death. Dad was begging me to pull him from whatever hellish place he was in.

On Monday he was agitated and I requested a review from the palliative team. They confirmed that he wasn't doing well and prescribed continuous morphine.

The morphine pump was not organised before Dad slipped away, early on Wednesday morning.

Something I never imagined I'd want to do is accompany my father's earthly remains to the mortuary van but that was what I needed to do. 

I was there as Dad was taken from his bed, wrapped up and taken away. It felt right.

The poor old bugger suffered and I took it upon myself to accompany him as much as I could, not because I could reduce his suffering but because I couldn't bear for him to be alone in it all.

There were really no last words this week but back when his heart first developed problems and I saw him in ICU he greeted me with a farewell and my childhood nickname "Bye bye, Curly Top"

It was pretty much perfect.

John Randall Jurd  5/8/1940 - 4/6/2025

 

I'll see you in heaven

 Dad is still with us. I  managed to find a place in an aged care facility. It was offered to me on Thursday and I pushed to have him moved from hospital on Friday. The way I think, every day in a more pleasant facility is valuable when the days are limited.

I wouldn't necessarily say he's happy there because what he desperately wants is to be at home, but it's less noisy and the care is more personal. He has a big window and his own bathroom. The food is nicer than hospital food. It's about as good as it will be.

Dad's low oxygen levels show up in aggression, agitation and a complete lack of inhibition. He has told me I say "a little bit" way too often, told my sister her legs are fat, told my brother he thinks he's funnier than he is and said to me I mustn't have enough money for a decent haircut.

He will make disgusted noises when offered food but simultaneously reach for it and has attempted to hit people with his walking stick. (The stick has been replaced with a walker)

For his whole life, Dad has had very short hair but before he went to hospital and was having delusions he didn't believe he had enough money for a haircut. Now that the delusions have receded, he has been asking and asking for a cut and I've finally got a plan in place. Let's hope he is agreeable tomorrow when the hair dresser arrives.

In among all of this he thanks us for visiting, expresses concern about our lives and apologises for being rude.

He was noticeably very tired today but still quite conscious.

When I was saying goodbye he said he'd see me in heaven.

I don't think we are at that point just yet but it is getting much closer