The Dementia Diaries

 While Mum has been in hospital, Dad has taken a downturn. He was forgetful and sometimes anxious about weird things; he needed help to navigate to most places, even familiar ones but he was mostly ok.

For some time he has had little appetite but was eating in a way that was almost normal.

I have discovered that dementia is like childhood: just when the carer thinks they understand what to do, something changes.

Last week I was surprised that there was an uneaten meal in Dad's fridge. I know what I have given him and most days I ask what he is eating. By my calculation he was out of food and yet, here was a full meal.

I had given him a large container of food and told him to eat half one day and half the next but what he had done was eat half, then half of half, then half of that. The quantity he ate each day was shrinking rapidly.

Aren't you hungry? I asked. "Well a bit more would have been nice"

It eventually became apparent that he was anxious about running out so decided to save some.

Apart from the fact I have supplied food for weeks now, he was unable to understand that the untouched food he was "saving" was as useful as nothing at all.

I have figured out that the favourites are divided and divided again while the "less favourites" languish.

The first Meals on Wheels delivery was today. I wonder how those will be prioritised.

One thing he always has is ginger beer, I can tell he drinks a lot of it by the number of empty bottles. On Sunday we went to the shop to get bread but we had to stop in the drink aisle. There were no 1.25 litre bottles of ginger beer so I suggested a six  pack of cans. Dad looked disgusted and agreed reluctantly.

"Those big bottles are just. so. convenient. I'm so disappointed"

Better luck next time, Dad

The Wedding

 Caitlin and Brendan wanted a quiet wedding at the Registry Office, just them and their witnesses. Well somebody assumed they were coming and the happy couple didn't have the heart to stop them so it became close family. It was a Thursday because they wanted the date they became a couple nine years ago.

They caught a ferry to the office, here they are getting off. It was one of the hottest days of summer, Brendan was sweltering but didn't he look good?

The way the office runs weddings is beautifully efficient. A party must arrive 15 minutes before the ceremony. Later arrivals won't be admitted.

Like every other wedding party, we spent a few minutes greeting each other in a nice room with cream seats and polished concrete floors and floral displays. Not extravagant but stylish.

Then moved to the ceremony room. The floral display is provided. There are white chairs. The ceremony was conducted by a lively young celebrant.

After fifteen minutes, they were married and we moved to the back of the building and out onto the wharf. 

There is a wedding every fifteen minutes but no party encounters another. How clever is that?

Afterwards we had photos in the park, just a few metres away. My brood scrub up well, I think

Mum and Dad had a wonderful time, they loved the location and of course they love the couple. Dad has developed a habit of carrying a cheap plastic water bottle in a green Woolworths bag and it came along with us. My lovely daughter-in-law took it off him, offering to carry it in the pram. I hadn't anticipated the bag coming with us and commented to her that it wasn't worth the trouble of trying to find an alternative at the last second. It wouldn't be a wedding without a Woolies bag, she quipped :)

The guests left and the newly weds had photos then on the Saturday we had a family dinner at a lovely gallery. It was a hot night but the doors to the garden were open and the breeze kept things pleasant. The food  was delicious, the company was lovely and the venue was delightfully laid back. 

Parties

A sneak peek from the wedding, our latest family party

There has been a bit of discussion in my place recently. One of mine has been invited to a 30th birthday weekend. It's in Queensland so the first expense is flights. The birthday couple (both celebrating their 30th) chose accommodation for the guests but the guests have to pay.

Then, the birthday couple added a bunch of activities: golf, jewellery making, a cruise etc. The guests are expected to pay their own way for the activities too.

We wonder why get beautiful accommodation then spend most of the time out of it.In this household, we'd get a cheap motel room or something like that OR we'd get a nice place and enjoy it by staying in.

I'm becoming a broken record with my assertion that you don't invite someone to something unless you are going to pay for them. 

Having said that, I think that if you agree to travel to an event, the travel cost is your own.

One of mine says that she would expect to pay travel costs for anyone she invited. That's a grand statement. No destination weddings for her, I'd be guessing :)

Another thing I have said repeatedly is that I still am a fan of the old style wedding where guests give something they can afford and are not obligated to give the cost of their meal. An elderly aunt of mine gave me a small box of drink coasters for a wedding gift. At the time i thought it was boring and a bit miserable but I knew better than to say anything. As I have grown, I have realised that her presence alone took a great effort. She was a widow and pensioner of many years, who travelled alone to be there for us and was probably in her 70s.

I'm starting to carry on like an old lady "back in my day......."

In some ways i want to say I've earned it. In other ways I want to say don't let me ever become that!

And look at that, I started on parties and ended up with a comment on aging.