An Aged Care Tale

 A man phoned, asking to do a tour of the facility (lets call him Gary)

On the appointed day, Gary came in with his mum Edith and brother Rick. I said hello to Edith, shook Gary's hand and then moved to Rick. His handshake was unenthusiastic and he didn't give me any eye contact.

I did my standard tour with my standard patter and then took the family into a quiet room for a conversation. I explained the process from enquiry to admission and then asked if the family had a timeline in mind. Most families are looking at discharge from hospital into aged care and the timeline is "as fast as we can" but Edith wasn't in hospital and seemed to me to be quite capable (although some capable looking people are deceivingly needy)

Gary said he didn't have a timeline in mind but would be guided by Edith. I looked directly at Edith and asked if she felt ready for aged care.  She stumbled over her words a little and said she would be guided by "the boys." Trying to help her find her voice I said "but you probably have an opinion?" 

Edith told me that she married at 20 and her husband had made the decisions from the time of their marriage until he died. She also talked about how she enjoyed living in her own home and when necessary she had the support of Rick who lived with her. Then she made some throw away comment about having disagreements with an adult child. I was a bit taken aback so I laughed and made my own throw away line "Oh, just argue!"

I decided I couldn't push her further and let them know that we would welcome her if she decided that aged care was what she wanted.

Management advised me that Edith would make an ideal resident and asked me to offer the next available bed so I called Gary and he told me that Edith wasn't ready yet but then he said "I wanted to thank you for the pastoral care" I asked what pastoral care "When you told mum to argue. The truth is, Mum and Rick can't stand each other and I was trying to find a way for her to have some peace for the end of her life"

I don't think I will ever forget Edith, nearly 90 and still unable to live her own life. The great shame of it is, she wouldn't be the only one.

Birthkeeping

 Stacey Warnecke was a "wellness influencer" who died of a postpartum haemorrhage following the unassisted birth of her first child in Melbourne last year. As the coronial enquiry wraps up I remembered a client I might have had back when I was practising as a doula.

"Bella" was a doula herself and we had met for coffee a couple of times when I had wanted her to be my back-up.

On this occasion, Bella had asked me to meet up and wanted to discuss the possibility of me becoming her doula. She wasn't yet pregnant but was making plans.

Bella asked my opinions about various aspects of birth: whether I would support a home birth, how I felt about unassisted birth and finally she asked if I would call an ambulance if she lost consciousness. I carefully explained that if she was unable to make decisions for herself, that responsibility would fall to her husband as Next of Kin. I also explained that I hoped he would make that decision but if I was concerned enough, I would not be able to stand by and do nothing.

Bella told me she was so against medical intervention that she would rather die than go to hospital. I said that I didn't believe she would hold to those principles when she was actually carrying a baby and the life of that baby was at risk.

Needless to say, I didn't get the job but I did hear through the grapevine that she did have a baby boy after an emergency transfer to hospital.

Holidays

This week I went away up the coast for a few nights. I stayed in a tidy little motel at Belmont and I want to say it was overlooking the lake. The motel is right on the shore of Lake Macquarie but it is built facing the highway, as things were back in the day.

No matter, I went out and sat by the lake every day, watching the weather and the birds. At one time I noticed some ravens scuffling just nearby and when I looked, they were not scuffling at all but investigating this Tawny Frogmouth. When I saw her, I wondered if she might be dead but a quick google revealed that the head down and wings out position was for sunbaking. As I watched, she sat up and eventually flew away. Why a nocturnal bird was sitting in the mud at lunchtime, I will never know. She looks young and on another day the mud would have been a delightful dust bowl so maybe there was some learning happening.

  
Moody Lake Macquarie. It was drizzling and overcast a lot of the time, which was ok by me. Speaking of the weather, I wore my day time cardigan to sleep in because there was only one very thin blanket on the bed and I was waking up a lot until I finally realised I was cold.
I suppose they expect guests to use the air con but I'd prefer a cold room and more blankets. I haven't ever before seen accommodation where they don't provide extra blankets. I found it quite odd but maybe it's cheaper to run air con than to launder blankets? 

 

Caitlin put these cockatoos on the bathroom wall for me today. I have added an ibis near the front door as well. I look forward to the day when my grandson sees them, meanwhile I will enjoy them. I thought I was doing something fun and different but apparently whimsy is having a moment in interior decor. It's funny how the zeitgeist works, isn't it?