The birth of my new nieces yesterday contained a touch of the bittersweet for me: I live with a minor but constant grief that my childbearing days passed so quickly and are so long gone. Yesterday I had to confront that grief full on.
The great joy of birth is tinged with sadness for me. As I reflected on that I realised that a birth is such an emotional event, it probably produces a mixed reaction in many people and for many reasons but we never give voice to those reactions. Is it churlish to acknowledge a negative emotion in the midst of joy?
Is this the last taboo?
Hon,
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's churlish at all - I think joy and sadness kind of go hand in hand. There are always going to be people feeling joy and sadness at the same time, sometimes with the same event. A totally different example would be me seeing lots of my friends moving in with each other, getting married, getting pregnant. And then there's me. Alone, and indeed, not getting pregnant (!) - joy for them, tinged with sadness for me. The difference here is that there is always the chance that this could happen for me in the future. I don't think it's bad for you to have these feelings - sweetie, it's your natural instinct, and I think that this proves that you are a great mum. Cherish what you have, my love, and hopefully these feelings will start to hide themselves a bit.
Love ya hun,
Peej xxx
yes, peej it would be interesting if you were pregnant.
ReplyDeletefabulous advice in your last line
love
k
Special,
ReplyDeleteNot sure that I would want to experience pregnancy, even if I could - I mean, I'm sure it's wonderful, but....no. I think not for me.
As for the advice - you're always welcome, my flower.
Peej xxx
Hi, Kylie. I think about this a lot, especially lately. My friends began having babies, seemingly in droves, in their mid to late 30s, and every time a dear friend had a baby, I experienced strong pangs of jealousy. There's a column about this that I read not a few minutes ago--you should check it out: http://wondertime.go.com/parent-to-parent/blogs/catherine-newman-blog/08252008.html
ReplyDeletexoxo
Kylie,
ReplyDeleteKnow that mixed feeling. When mark and were trying to have a baby all our friends were having babies and when we were on the IVF program others were getting pregnant. there was always why not me? Of course we were pleased for them.
Finally it was my turn it was the greatest feeling to have our dream come true.
I don't regret not having another baby. I even had someone say what if something happens to your child if you only have one you won't have anymore children. (Hope that makes sense).
congrats on becoming an auntie.
Joxx
That was supposed to read mark and I were trying. Don't won't you to think Mark become pregant on his own.
ReplyDeletehi leah,
ReplyDeletei'll check out that column.
it's a weird thing, this jealousy or what ever it is. i dont want more babies really, i would be utterly panicked if i was pregnant but theres just something that gives me a stab in the gut....
i'm pretty sure it will melt away when i get to see them.
xox
k
hi jo :)
ReplyDeleteyep, the whole mixed emotion scenario is pretty common and in lots of situations, i think.
i would expect it would have been heartbreaking at times,to watch friends having babies when it wasn't happening for you.
i have wonderful children,though so i might be a bit ungrateful.
i cant imagine why people say things like "what if something happens to your child?" it's almost like a jinx. why suggest the unthinkable? i also wonder whether having other children would lessen the pain of losing one.
it's wonderful to see you and mark cherish helen as you do rather than minimising her existance by wishing for more (if that makes sense)
lovely hearing from you
xox
k
Truth can's be taboo, silly girl! I miss hugging a wee one close and inhaling that delicious scent of "newborn" (My 5th and last is now 9 -- I still hug her but she sure doesn't smell the same!) Can't say I miss the stinky nappies. I'm looking forward to grandbabies ... all in good time. ; )
ReplyDeleteOops! Channge that "can's" to "can't" please. : )
ReplyDelete