More than once in my life I have heard it said that it is better not to marry than to be married to the wrong person. I always find this to be a fascinating subject. Being an utter romantic I love, adore & cherish the idea of a wonderful partner, someone who seems to complete us, someone who is "perfect" for us, someone who fills the ideal of "the one".

I also believe that "the one" can easily become "not the one". The initial sense of having found an ideal partner will always eventually be tempered by the reality of imperfection, of power struggle, of little irritations, of what ever it is that undoes so many relationships and it is when the rose coloured glasses come off that the real act of loving begins.

So, while I love the idea of "the one" I think it is the very deliberate decision to act with love that keeps a couple together.

I think that when the wild intensity of early attraction starts to mellow and soften it has to be replaced or enhanced by purposeful care and attention and this is where my fascination with the subject comes in.

When I think about this subject I usually have in mind the idea of an elderly couple, probably both widowed. People often seem to find it offensive to see old people marry and they can be accused of marrying "for convenience". It seems to me to be a strange accusation. When an elderly couple wish to find companionship and tenderness, to be valued in a partnership, they are accused of marrying for convenience but aren't their reasons really the same as if they were in their twenties? And if they want to spend the rest of their life without grand passion but with warmth and respect, what is wrong with that? And who are we to say that there is no grand passion?

Anyway, the questions I'm asking don't just apply to wizened old widows they apply to us all:

If we haven't met "the one" but we have met someone who we get along with, someone who we can communicate with, someone with similar values, can we skip the wild animal attraction phase and go straight to the purposeful care and attention stage?

and if we do that will we end up with a positive, life affirming relationship ?

or will we end up "stuck" with the "wrong person" wishing we were alone ?

What do you think?