Friday, 6 February 2009

romantic folly

Ever since we met my husband has had a fascination with direct marketing, my cynicism and mistrust of the idea is almost boundless so it has, at times, been a source of friction. A number of years ago we met a man who was trying to convince us of the fortune to be made from his particular direct selling business. I would probably have had an issue with him just because of what he represented but I also had an issue because he was a slime bag. It was clear that he appraised every woman for her desirability and I felt dirty and yuck just by meeting him.
At some point in proceedings there was mention of buying flowers for "the wife" and I stated that in this house there were very rare instances of floral purchases. This man immediately puffed himself up and declared to hubby that "you must buy flowers for your wife!". He went on to say that he bought them every Friday. To me there is nothing special in a Friday flower buying routine. I would hope that it would be a spontaneous expression of appreciation or affection. I would hope that it would be in some way inspired.
The following Friday hubby came home with flowers. I was outraged. I have always laughed at the idea of throwing flowers in the bin, imagining that I would enjoy them whatever the motive, but on this day that is exactly where I went. I said something like "You can buy them because he tells you but not for me!" and headed straight for the rubbish.
I was enraged that this man, this slimy cretin, who cared nothing for us, had the power to convince hubby to do something that I, his chosen partner, could not.
If it had been someone I respected I might have been grateful, or at least recognised the best intention but in this case I just couldn't. I was mad, mad, mad.
Nearly ten years on I still can't decide whether I was right or wrong that day. Was I being a spoilt, self-centred princess ungraciously causing pain over a well intended gift? or was I rightly demanding to be treated with genuine love and respect?
Did I get it right that day or oh so terribly wrong?


  1. I think you had real balls to do that, and I respect you for that. I wouldn't have had the nerve, but would have silently seethed. I think you did the rock n' roll thing.

    What was your husband's response to the trashing?

  2. hey leah,
    i wouldnt have had the balls if i had stopped to think and honestly, i cant remember what the moth did.
    probably a wounded look and disbelief.

  3. You did the right thing. There are wonderful lessons in life. This is one. Every day should matter, not a day some sales guy tells you matters.

    Love you as always and thanks for your support.

    The Three Eyed Bandit!

  4. What was the guy selling? I mean, if he was selling vases then....

  5. cleaning products. i still have some fabric softener somewhere.....

  6. Cleaning products? Hopefully he had some trash bags for the flowers you tossed in the can.

  7. joyful jo said

    I was going to ask what on earth was he selling. But i can see you have already answered that.
    I once had a vacuum cleaner salesman come who wanted to sell me a very expensive vacuum cleaner.
    I was very sceptical about all this so called sand that was in our carpet after he had vacuumed. This was supposed to be in the bag after he vacuumed. Anyway i said our carpet was too old to have such an expensive vacuum cleaner on it.
    My other pet hate are the electricity companies.
    Mark wouldn't get flowers just because somebody suggested it.Mind you i have havn't had any for a long time,and i would not be fussing about it either.
    I've just got home. After finishing my last room of a lady in the demntia unit who only leaves her room for breakfast,lunch and dinner. I was doing her room and she wanted to get back in she was told to stay out untill i had finished but then parked herself outside her door knocing the whole time i was working. When i had finished she wouldn't move from the doorway so i couldn't get my things out. Tried to ask her to move back so i could get out and she wouldn't budge. Eventually i got someone to move her and i could pack up for the day. Thank goodness it is friday.

  8. No one's ever given me flowers, so I have no frame of reference...

  9. Please ignore that last comment. Jeez what a whiner I am sometimes!

    I think, Kylie, if it had been me, I would not have had the nerve. But I do think you did right.

  10. megan,
    you are allowed to tell me i was dumb :)

    i really hope someone really special comes along for ya. bob is good at the grand gesture ;)

  11. and no-one need comment on whether i did right if they dont want. it's all rhetorical really.

  12. hey jo,
    dementia is a difficult thing to deal with
    and today you have the heat too. exhausting!

    i got sucked in with that vacuum cleaner thing once. well, i didnt buy it but i wasted an awwwful lot of time trying not to buy it!

    try to stay cool!

  13. Hi Kylie,

    Depositing flowers in the trash can? I understand your frustration, but romantic in me died just a little envisioning the bouquet in the bin. I like your idea of Friday flowers. Think I might try something like that, maybe on Monday though, so the things are there all week.

    Best wishes,


  14. My dad once bought my mum a present which provoked a similar reaction- but I can't tell you about that here!

    Flowers are sometimes bought out of a guilty conscience; some men buy them to cynically manipulate their partner; some buy them as a truly romantic gesture..

    Depends on the motivation!

    I think men have a hard time though...because it can be hard to get it right.

    I received from flowers this Christmas from my ex-husband, a small bunch with a vase, as thank you for my efforts with his sons. It was unexpected but appreciated.

  15. God, I came back to say, "Honey you know how much I love flowers and I'd hate to see good ones in a trash can through no fault of their own." What a waste of good flowers!!! Do I still believe you did the right thing? Yes. Where the flowers at fault? No! They needed water. They died unnecessarily. Now that's something to feel guilty about!!!

    Oh, and no, no pictures. You're not going to weasel one out of me.

    Hi Leah
    Hi Kylie
    Hi Bob
    Hi Jo
    Hi Megan
    Hi Skeeter
    Hi Cinnamon

    Love you Kylie and thanks for good laugh. The comments are terrific by the way. What fun coming here. Oh, and P.S. They won't read this far, so I'm safe...God I wish those two would get together! They almost seem like a match made in Heaven. Do you know what I mean? XO

    The Three-Eyed Bandit

  16. ok, it ruins the drama a litttle but i did actually get those flowers out of the bin after i cooled down a little

    and i agree that it can be tricky for the fellas, i guess my response that day was not exactly expected. i'm not usually so hard to please!

  17. Kia ora Kylie,
    You were well and truly justified, in my opinion, for your actions. If it had been me I would have got up when he said that during his "presentation" and put on the song by the Rolling Stones, and a few others, "Dead Flowers", and turned it up as loud as possible. Great post!


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