i'm a bit all over the place and it (it being the state of my head) is going to become a post. it will be a spectacular post or a dismal fail as the kids say, no happy medium.
i have proved the idea that one can jinx oneself. every week i park in the carpark opposite church and so does everyone else and not just once has it crossed my mind that i need to be extra careful in there because hitting a friend's car would be so much worse than hitting a stranger's.
and now i have the proof. i did it, i hit a friend's car. a young couple with an already damaged car, which is reassuring in one way but also worse because who fixes an already old car? instead i have just made it older and worth less. they were so so nice about it and if i'm teary anytime i'm worse when people are unreasonably kind, it was awfully cringe-worthy and now i have to just get on with life with a new understanding of horrible embarassment. and why do i have a mental block about spelling embarrasment?
i honestly think that typing makes my spelling worse, only on facebook do i use "your" in place of "you're" or "to" and "too" interchangeably.
my internet wanderings this week have led me through numerous you tube births, including the nailbiting birth and resuscitation of wonderfully named "Epic Powers Abundant" and i stumbled over the "cold cot", a cooling mechanism for bassinettes of stillborn babes and neonatal deaths. it is intended to make mourning easier, to reduce the need to take the wee one to a mortuary. it makes some sense to me but i was interested in a LONG comment thread written largely by somebody who thinks it's better to mourn a lost child from afar. this doula thing has led me to places i didnt dream of!
further web wanderings lead me to the facebook and web pages of a jewellery brand called "erstwilder". they make rather lovely and covetable quirky bits and i was interested in the mother goose brooch as a kind of mascot for me as i enter the mothering profession and my wanderings around erstwilder led me to a successful, well followed and award nominated blog written by a young mother. theres a whole lot of those blogs around but i was suddenly hit by my longstanding resistance to professional blogging. i'm a total hypocrite because i would be happy to earn off my blog but at the same time i think that if money is involved there is an enormous compromise, a need to cater to the masses rather than be who one is, leading to the blandification of blogging along with everything else.
life seems to be uncompromisingly irreconcilable sometimes.