Sunday, 7 June 2026

Able-ism and Age-ism

 


A few years ago, an elderly lady (old enough to be my mother) told me that she had been advised to wear orthopaedic shoes. She then commented that there was no way she wanted to wear those ugly things.

And I understood. Wearing ugly shoes was never something I wanted to do but I do. I accepted that if i want to walk, I need AFOs and they need to be worn in a solidly constructed, supportive shoe.

Anyhow, I had a giggle to myself because the old lady was complaining about something I had been forced to make peace with forty years younger. She was also unintentionally insulting me.

Over the years, I have heard many of these types of comments about walking sticks while I stand there with my pink and red stick. I usually nod sagely and say "well they are a pain until you really need them"

I often hear about old people who resist the move to aged care because of "all the old people"

This week, I asked mum if she would go on the Friday bus trip her aged care facility organises. She was horrified at the suggestion, saying that she doesn't want to do the silly activities. Then she told me that she once went to a sing-along and hated it because it was "a bunch of old people in wheelchairs" Guess who is an old lady in a wheelchair?

If we could just get past the able-ism and age-ism where all this originates, if we could just see people using a variety of adaptations as people who are trying to get the most out of life, maybe we would all do better when we got to the point where we become the person with the daggy shoes, the walker, the wheelchair or for that matter, the incontinence product.

17 comments:

  1. After I had a broken ankle last year, my walking became uneven, months after the plaster cast came off. Now I walk with a walking frame, and although other pedestrians are very kind, they speak to me slowly and uber-clearly.

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    1. Do they use "the royal we" ?
      That would be the last straw

      Delete

  2. That's a joke my 80 year old neighbour and I make and it might be time to stop doing so.

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  3. I was hopping off a bus when I was a young woman and an older lady, who was getting on, looked at me really angrily and said ‘no one ever told me getting old would be this awful.’ I was taken aback because she was beautifully dressed, makeup, hair ‘done’ and looked pretty spiffy to me. I think it was the bus, the difficulty of negotiating too high steps and the jerking around. Now I am that older lady I try to look neat and tidy, try to be careful and not create the impression that I am declining in any way. However, although I am aware of ageism and ableism I do not enjoy the company of many of my peers. Why? They are conservative politically, often misogynist, racist, homophobia and on down the list. I am as kind as I can be given the differences (they are my neighbours, my community after all) but I don’t want to engage on any real level. Finding a light touch to offer a different point of view becomes exhausting and rarely welcome. You are good to mostly keep your thoughts to yourself, negotiating such rocky terrain. Helen

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    1. Helen, I'm a chronic people pleaser so I dont want to be confrontational.
      I just laugh to myself and feel mildly superior for a moment.
      It hard when your community is everything you dont appreciate but I think it's great that you keep on interacting. We all tend to get stuck in our echo chambers these days

      Delete
  4. We seem to have an image of ourselves which is much younger.

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    1. That's right ! I think I'm about 30 🤣

      Delete
  5. There is aged care accommodation quite near me and a neighbour I liked moved there some time ago. She loves it and joins almost everything they have going. For myself I like the idea of the activities and the once a week bus trips available to those who want to go, but I know I wouldn't be allowed to bring everything I love, my books and dvds and that means I don't want to be in such accommodation. Also you can't have your own TV, there is just one in the communal recreation room and they never play movies, just nature shows and documentaries while the oldies sleep in the chairs. I might feel differently when I am 90, but that's 16 years away.

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    1. River, we all want to live independently while we can but once we need 24/7 help, it makes sense to try to enjoy it.
      It's the looking down on old people i don't understand. If we don't get to be old its because something bad happened

      Delete
    2. Mums place lets people bring whatever they want so long as carers are able to move around safely

      Delete
  6. My mother was the same way - wouldn't participate in the elder community she lived in at the end of her life. I found that so odd, but I think aging was a bit terrifying for her because she had Parkinsons and it embarrassed her. When it's my turn to move into a "home" I intend on running the place! Might as well have some fun, regardless of where we are.

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    1. I think my mum is also embarrassed by her disability. And of course that is my point, if we, as a society, didnt see disability as shameful and embarrassing, people would be freer to enjoy themselves.
      I agree with you, I want to have fun while I can

      Delete
  7. My purple cane and sensible shoes say hi to your clobber. One thing I have argued about is that these elder care facilities do NOT provide for introverts, one is supposed to adapt to bingo playing, sing-songy get togethers and socialize. That would be a nightmare for me. Also small-talk has very little attraction for me. I tried to learn it but feel unable, the words don't come for discussing endless trivia. I was privy one time to a discussion on the 100 ways of making vegetable soup and my thinking was "kill me now, please." I have never minded looking old. I am proud to be old when so many don't make it. Plus trying to look "young" is far too much work.
    XO
    WWW

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Where mum is, nobody is ever expected to do activities but they are invited.
      It must be hard to offer interesting activities with limited budget and customers of vastly different abilities, physical and cognitive.
      Yes, looking young becomes an uphill battle!

      Delete
  8. Very funny. I’m 72, still do personal training lifting heavy weights, but one day at gym I joined an active seniors 45 minute class, and there were some very active “old” people there, but the instructor in her early 50’s possibly, was so patronising, “oh look at you, you’re doing so well”, constantly. I left when she brought out a bag of balloons to pass over our heads to the person behind us. Marie, Melbourne

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    1. Hi Marie,
      I like my trainer to give heaps of positive feedback but only if it's deserved!
      That condescension is part of the reason people dont want to be old

      Delete

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