We have never been well off people, my husband makes close to basic wage and I have worked part-time or casual ever since having children but with our two modest incomes, some financial savvy and the government help which is given to families, I felt that we were rich. We could afford to buy whatever we needed without having to think about it, there was always something in the bank, we had a holiday now and again and I felt rich because we had problem solving money. If the fridge or the car broke down or there was a school trip or someone needed shoes, we could afford to sort it out, even if it was a bit painful to the bank balance.
In earlier days I would take the kids with me to do the grocery shopping on a Saturday morning and once the chores were done we would stop in at a cafe. Morning tea at a cafe with the kids was the height of luxury to me! The sitting in a booth, the uninterrupted time to chat and laugh, the table service.....I would have a coffee and the kids were allowed to choose a drink or cake. If I felt particularly well off, I might order a plate of poffertjies (tiny Dutch pancakes) to share. After that, I would often choose a cheap bunch of flowers to take home, the florist just across from the cafe always had bunches of a single flower and I felt it a huge luxury to buy a $5 bunch of jonquils or a $6 bunch of gerberas. I would enjoy them all week.
There were a couple of times I would drop $30 or $40 on a professional birthday cake and though it felt expensive, I was just happy to bring home a treat.
There were a couple of times I took the kids to the theatre. I took my boys to the final tour of Dame Edna and I took the girls to Mary Poppins for their 13th birthday. Buying three theatre tickets was always a luxury.
When Keaghan turned 18 I wanted to buy him tickets to the David Attenborough live show. I had missed the original ticket release because I didn't know the show was on so I ended up paying nearly double to buy from a
These days things are a lot tighter, my regular work dried up and though I love doula-ing, it isn't a reliable source of income but more of a feast or famine affair. The government help is no longer, now that the kids are out of school. My luxuries now are much smaller and mostly provided by my children: a new smart phone, a weekly coffee date (no cakes most times) a rare take away meal.
When I go to the fruit market, I will usually buy a whole box of some luxurious seasonal fruit. Last week it was a whole tray of figs, the week before it was 12 punnets (a tray) of raspberries, a few weeks before that it was mangoes or cherries. Buying fruit this way is cheap by the kilo but you tend to get more than is sensible so we get to gorge on the luxury of the season.
I notice that as long as there is something I can regard as a treat, I don't miss the more expensive things we used to do. It's only when there are no treats at all that I start to really resonate with the term "grinding poverty"
Well all need treats, however small. And the more you have, the more you take for granted.
ReplyDelete"We" not well, sorry!
ReplyDeleteAll good!
DeleteA little treat now and again just balances some of the monotony, doesn't it?
Yes.
ReplyDeleteI can remember some ugly times when shampoo was a luxury, and the regular bills (never mind the unforseen) were a big challenge. And am very glad to have left them behind. I save up for special occasion luxuries and some of them take quite a bit of saving.
And am mostly happy just as you are with flowers, or in season fruit. Or perhaps a small piece of excellent chocolate.
Excellent chocolate is a nice thing to have and fortunately it doesn't need to cost a lot.
Deletei wouldn't like to be without shampoo but my dad grew up without it and still washes his hair with soap. It doesn't seem to bother him!
What you're saying is that you made a very good life for yourself. That leaves you with a very satisfying feeling.
ReplyDeleteI was thinking a lot about the way my ideas of luxury change according to what I can afford but yes, I have a good life that I am grateful for.
DeleteWhat one considers a luxury or a treat is certainly all relative.
ReplyDeleteI'm lucky that things have become easier as time has moved on, but when our son first arrived things were very tight for many years and even a five pound bottle of wine was the height of luxury.
I'm glad things are easier now! We all expect things to get better as we go along but it doesn't always work that way!
DeleteMy own little luxury is the occasional ice cream that is brought for me by my children from a parlour across the road. Other than that I am what is called an Ashutosh here. That means, "easily pleased".
ReplyDeleteIce cream is always a lovely little indulgence!
DeleteYou've brought to mind a book I read years ago of a family who were so poor despite the efforts of the parents that when they did come into a bit of extra money, it would be spent all at once on a restaurant meal or ice creams. I didn't understand it then, but in the years since I think I've realized why they spent it instead of saving it or putting it toward a bill. There needs to be some colour in everyone's life, and for so many families there is none.
ReplyDeleteIn a similar vein, I read that poor people are more likely to be overweight than the better off because they can't afford real luxuries so their way of treating themselves is often a cheap, high calorie food.
DeleteI imagine that for the family youreference, those ice creams and restaurant meals were the fodder for many dreams and memories
When we were early married and had 2 very young kids, we were definitely the poorest of any of our friends. Our luxuries were few and very far between, which is why now I give our sons and their families/S.O.'s practical gifts as well as a couple of luxuries. I do remember going without mascara for almost a year because I literally could not afford it. (Not a big deal for those of you who do not have blond eyelashes, but would have been a big improvement in looks for me)
ReplyDeleteMascara certainly is a staple for many and it doesn't cost much so i can understand you were pretty broke!
DeleteI have to admit that that post made for very uncomfortable reading.
ReplyDeleteMy parents were both from reasonably well-off families and both could have expected excellent careers (yes, even my mother) but the slump and war altered their lives irrevocably and by the time I was born they were no longer well-off. I never realised the huge sacrifices they must have made to send me and my brother to a private Prep School because the local council school was very over-crowded and had a poor academic record. So my parents gave my brother and I the tools for an excellent start in life. Fortunately we both made the most of it.
Looking back at my married life there were very hard times (in my mind) but I realise (although I don't recall thinking about it much then) that, relatively speaking, we were quite well-off. Ironically my parents always said that their money worries ended when my Father retired. Certainly I am better off now in my 70s than I ever was before I retired.
The other thing that I do far more in my 70s is realise the huge disparity between those who have and those who do not have.
I hope things improve for you.
Sorry Graham! I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable (well, not most of the time, anyway!)
DeleteThe thing that has got us through more easily than some is that we paid off our house a few years back so there is never a problem of mortgage or rent.
My grandparents all suffered through the depression and my parents were both born during the war so those tiny economies like saving wrapping paper and string are not things I do but I am absolutely familiar with them. People did so much more with so much less those days!
Kylie I think it is a good thing to be made to feel uncomfortable from time to time. It makes one ponder.
DeleteI do understand what you're saying about being financially squeezed and enjoying little luxuries like a bunch of flowers. Jenny and I have several times been very short of money because of large mortgages and low salaries, and we've had to watch the pennies and not do anything too extravagant. It was only when we got rid of the mortgages and Jenny landed a very well-paid job that we were finally fairly well-off. There were times when going to a coffee shop or buying a bottle of wine were out of the question.
ReplyDeleteFruit is a big treat for both of us. I love figs and dates and satsumas and grapes and bananas.
i don't buy flowers these days!
DeleteI love figs, like dates, need bananas in the house at all times. I like grapes and plums but there would probably always be something i like better
Wealth/hardship is such an concept isn't it? It's so relative, subjective, and so coloured by our own outlooks. Gary and I have certainly been strapped for cash at times - mere gardeners, even self-employed, are not economically valued here in the UK - but we've always had more than we truly need, and I've never considered us poor. It's gradually improved for us over the years and will hopefully get easier still when the mortgage is paid off in just few years time. That said, self-employed, so we assume nothing and take nothing for granted.
ReplyDeleteCertainly things were tougher for my family when I was a kid, and tougher still for the Grandfather who raised me when, as an unemployed young man in the Great Depression, he set off from his home town of Glasgow on foot to look for work. He made it to Coventry before he found a job, a wife, and a place to live - in that order! He instilled in me a strong work ethic, a sense of personal responsibility, perspective, and gratitude, which I recognise clearly in your post. When you have that 'attitude of gratitude' as some call it now, I think it only takes a little luxury to remind you that, compared to most of the world, we're rich if we have a roof over our heads and food on the table. I love the gorging on fresh fruit idea - real guilt-free luxury! When I was little, and living with said Grandfather, our garden was given over entirely to fruit (plums, currants, raspberries and gooseberries) and ducks so that we would always have vitamins and protein. Good memories!
I like your story of ducks and fruit trees! We could all do worse than eggs and fruit!
DeleteI'm no gardener but we have had a few pumpkins come out of the compost and a few tomatoes and it was nice to eat them knowing they were entirely free!
A thought-provoking post Kylie. I think we all go through very lean times, relative to what we may have grown up with or come to expect. We were very young when we borrowed hugely from the vendors to buy our farm. Our theory - we didn't have much, so not much to lose by taking such a risk. We made a go of it, but it was very tough for a number of years. As I would say to my husband - he spent money, I saved money. I saved us so much money by not spending it. I am frugal and some might say a miser, but you do what is necessary to make ends meet. And luxuries become rarities, but you appreciate them so much more when you do get them.
ReplyDeleteI have friends who sold their two Sydney houses and cashed in super to buy a farm and the minute they bought it they hit nearly a decade of drought! They also saved by not spending. For a very long time.
DeleteThis lean period has taught my daughters to make a meal out of nothing and that will serve them well. I'm a little sheepish to say my sons have largely escaped the lessons!