The day before our wedding, one of the women he had rented a room from phoned my mother and told Mum something along the lines that I shouldn't marry him or I should be careful. Twenty six years on I don't remember the words she used but I don't think it matters a lot, it was a clear warning but she refused to explain so in my view it was worthless.
Mum told me about the call and I dismissed it as mad rambling from a drama queen.
My husband's friendship with the family diminished over the next couple of years, not for any particular reason but life getting in the way. After a while there was no contact between our families at all and it stayed that way for a long time, nearly twenty years I would think.
Eventually some twist of fate re-ignited the acquaintance and I finally saw fit to casually mention the pre-wedding call. In my opinion a friend doesn't make a call like that and I thought my husband might like to re-assess his future with this woman.
He didn't respond to the story in any way, not in answer to me or by changing the dynamic of the friendship.
Every time I think about it I wonder why on earth a person would be friendly with someone who did that to them.
Men read things a little differently than women do, and since you have survived 26 years without having to be EXTREMELY CAREFUL, he probably thinks nothing of it.
ReplyDeleteLooking back there are things I could have been a lot more careful about! I still think it's way out of line to say a thing like that especially the day before the wedding and especially without any substantiating evidence
DeleteI would say there was an ulterior motive to her call. Maybe she wanted him or wanted him for someone else. What country is your husband from? His ethnicity? After so many years, if you should not have not married him, you would figure it out. I would not want to be friends with her. AND, I would confront her about her warning, even now.
ReplyDeleteShe was married in those days so I don't think she was interested. I wouldn't bother confronting her, I suspect she would just lie about it anyway. They are malaysian born chinese
DeleteAll very mysterious. I wonder what you were supposed to be careful about? What's the point of saying that but not elaborating? And yes, why would he want to be friendly with someone who makes such insinuations? His lack of reaction is strange - there must be more to this than meets the eye.
ReplyDeleteEither there is more than meets the eye or there is very much less!
DeleteI am not being facetious Kylie but, all my friends and members of my family who had met my bride to be before our marriage, told her that she was making a mistake marrying me. All her friends and members of her family which included her brothers who were my friends to start with told me that I was making a mistake marrying her.
ReplyDeleteEventually, it was - “La, tout n’est qu’ordre et beauté
Luxe, calme et volupté
"there is nothing else but grace and measure, Richness, quietness, and pleasure.” ― Charles Baudelaire
DeleteThat is such a beautiful tribute to your marriage, Ramana.
I think advising someone against a marriage is a very hard thing to do and even if I felt they were wrong I would respect the effort in most cases. In this case I didn't feel there was any good will involved
Maybe it was indeed as you thought, just "the rambling of a drama queen" and your husband knows it too. Or maybe he is just giving her the benefit of the doubt because it has been so many years, and people can change. I get really bent out of shape if my husband has no response to something I say, and I tend to ask him what his thoughts are. Often he says he has no thoughts, and although I was incredulous at first, I've come to believe him. He has explained that he's just resting his brain. I think the reason I found it hard to understand is that my brain NEVER shuts up :)
ReplyDeletei am still sure it was the rambling of a drama queen! but unacceptable rambling
Deletethey say that when a man says he has no thoughts he really has no thoughts. It's inconceivable, isn't it?
Interesting story, Kylie. 6 places he lived at is weird.
ReplyDeleteIt's pretty common in the very low end of the rental market: short leases, evictions, price increases and arguments with co-tenants all play a part
DeleteThat is certainly a mystery and my view an unpleasant one. I wonder if the warning was driven by racism. Whatever the reason, clarifying things would be a healthy thing to do.
ReplyDeletei think it came about when one person assumed other people to be motivated in the same way she was
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