I started to reflect on the births I have previously attended at the same hospital. One was quick and uncomplicated until there was an emergency situation right at the end. Skilled midwives resolved it quickly as I stood by the dad and reassured him. I have some regrets over that birth (not because of the emergency) and I don't think that client got my best but not every situation will be a triumph so I can only hope I was adequate.
After a birth, I always find it strange to leave. Clients are focused on their babies so I exit with a minimum of fuss which seems at odds with the intensity of what we have experienced together. Sometimes I get all maternal and kiss them on the forehead. My other client at this hospital was a highly trained, strong, confident naval officer and there was nothing ambiguous about our farewell.
Babe was born into water so after getting out of the tub and dry my client expressed her wish for me to distract her while she was stitched up and then I could go. I will never forget her bounding out of bed and wrapping herself in a fluffy robe before giving me a warm hug goodbye.
One client birthing between Christmas and New Year arrived at hospital with a panettone (Italian Christmas loaf) sitting on top of her bags. It seemed an odd thing to bring but made sense when they gave it to me as a thank you.
Some clients are internally focused and some need lots of reassurance. Some almost climb the walls and some barely move. One had a whole gaggle of friends offering support, the best of them was a man who was not the father of the baby. Beautiful to watch, he was compassionate and attentive even in his own utter exhaustion.
Recalling my meeting earlier this week, I realise that my client had warm eyes and made a single unguarded comment about wearing borrowed clothes. These are my only hints that she does indeed, feel safe with me. I suspect I'll never fully understand the privilege of being invited into her most sacred moment.
Babe was born into water so after getting out of the tub and dry my client expressed her wish for me to distract her while she was stitched up and then I could go. I will never forget her bounding out of bed and wrapping herself in a fluffy robe before giving me a warm hug goodbye.
One client birthing between Christmas and New Year arrived at hospital with a panettone (Italian Christmas loaf) sitting on top of her bags. It seemed an odd thing to bring but made sense when they gave it to me as a thank you.
Some clients are internally focused and some need lots of reassurance. Some almost climb the walls and some barely move. One had a whole gaggle of friends offering support, the best of them was a man who was not the father of the baby. Beautiful to watch, he was compassionate and attentive even in his own utter exhaustion.
Recalling my meeting earlier this week, I realise that my client had warm eyes and made a single unguarded comment about wearing borrowed clothes. These are my only hints that she does indeed, feel safe with me. I suspect I'll never fully understand the privilege of being invited into her most sacred moment.
Wow, what a lovely post. You sound compassionate and dedicated and privileged. All that anyone needs in giving birth, one of the true miraculous moments in our lives.
ReplyDeleteXO
WWW
It is!
DeletePeggy has fond memories of the many births she attended. Do you ever watch "Call the Midwife"?
ReplyDeleteI'm sure Peggy has forgotten more than I will ever see or know. She must have some amazing stories.
DeleteI do watch call the midwife and one born every minute, as well.
That was so nice to read! I love that you think it is a privilege.
ReplyDeleteWhen I started out, I was knocked back by sooo many clients. I don't forget that they have a wide choice!
DeleteLove, love, love (and am unsurprised) at your recognition of the privilege.
ReplyDeleteIt never gets old.
DeleteI think I would have needed, and appreciated you, if I'd ever had children.
ReplyDeleteSx
I help people find the strength they already have but don't give away that secret :)
DeleteYours is a noble profession and you are indeed privileged. I wish you all the very best.
ReplyDeleteIt's going better than it used to and there's less pressure now that I have another job
DeleteIt must be hard sometimes to establish a good connection with a total stranger. I hope you manage it and she's comfortable with you at the birth.
ReplyDeleteI think she's happy, Nick. Sometimes I don't feel connected but they do and that's what counts
DeleteDoulas aren't common here, although there are beginning to be more. When I had my kids, I would have appreciated someone like you!
ReplyDeleteDoulas are not really common here and they tend to be used for a second baby when the first birth was traumatic on some level.
DeleteWe are not the answer to every problem but we might be able to reduce the traumatic first times if people understood the system better. Unfortunately the faults in the system are mostly discovered through experience.
(it's not all bad, we just hear about the not so good)
I'm sure you're a very calming, reassuring presence at these womens' most vulnerable times.
ReplyDeleteThanks Jennifer. I hope I help.
DeleteOddly your post left me wondering about so many things and strangely unsettled. I've no idea why. Needless to say the only birth I attended was of one of my sons. I was taken ill just before my first son was born and all I can recall was a friend (of considerable physical stature - now a Judge) carrying me like a child to his car, taking me home and putting me to bed.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you were unsettled because I only told snippets. I feel it disrespectful to tell much of a client's story but I like to give people a glimpse of how interesting it is.
ReplyDeleteI can hardly imagine you being carried home and tucked in but illness can be brutal. Did it spoil your experience of those first days?
That is so fascinating! Thanks for giving us a peek into the amazing service you provide. I have to admit I can't imagine "bounding out of bed" but then I was in labour for a long time :( You should write a book someday.
ReplyDeleteLong labours are brutal on the body but a relatively easy one can leave a woman feeling she has conquered the world.
DeleteThanks for the lovely compliment
It takes a special person with a very kind heart to do what you do Kylie.
ReplyDeleteNawww, you're too complimentary! Being a bit of a nerd helps in the birth world, too.
Delete