On friendship

My work colleague, Jimmy, is a man in his mid thirties. Life has been hard for him: surrounded by alcoholism, attending a bunch of schools, leaving home at a young age. It wouldn't be terribly surprising if he had landed himself in gaol at some point but instead he works in a church shop, knows every process we have and is unfailingly pleasant to customers. 
When not in a public role, Jimmy also can have a hair trigger temper and is aggressively anti anything that could be regarded as progressive or woke.

Jimmy has eaten Mc Donalds nearly every day since he was 18 but has recently decided it's too expensive to continue that way and is trying to learn to cook. He isn't learning in the way I would teach and he chooses odd projects like working his way through a book of burger recipes but he persists. He brings his creations for me to try, prints out recipes he wants me to cook and talks about his successes and failures. 

I've been cooking since I was a kid, have cooked for a family, have sometimes cooked for guests. I've cooked anything I'm interested in cooking and these days I'm pretty much over it so it's a bit surprising to me that Jimmy has managed to talk me into trying some new things. He's positive when I show him a photo of something new I've made, despite  our very different styles and tastes. (his style: meat, meat and more meat. My style: one pan and under six ingredients)

I regard Jimmy as a friend, maybe a temporary/ situational friend but a friend all the same. He doesn't regard me as a friend because we don't spend time together away from work.

I have known my friend Jill for perhaps 20 years. We have visited each others houses, watched TV together, been to the movies, eaten out, been shopping together. I have stayed at her place and she has stayed at mine. When she retired in circumstances she found hurtful, I spent all the money I had to get to the retirement celebration. It was Jill I holidayed with in March. Six days together was a record and it may have been the end for us. We had words while we were away. It was uncomfortable but I didn't say or do anything I feel was unreasonable or that I am ashamed of. We hugged when we parted but she hasn't sent me any of the photos I've asked for and since then, every time I have have suggested we spend time together has been politely declined with no offer of an alternative.

Sometimes I wonder which rule book I should use.