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There has been a bit of discussion in my place recently. One of mine has been invited to a 30th birthday weekend. It's in Queensland so the first expense is flights. The birthday couple (both celebrating their 30th) chose accommodation for the guests but the guests have to pay.
Then, the birthday couple added a bunch of activities: golf, jewellery making, a cruise etc. The guests are expected to pay their own way for the activities too.
We wonder why get beautiful accommodation then spend most of the time out of it.In this household, we'd get a cheap motel room or something like that OR we'd get a nice place and enjoy it by staying in.
I'm becoming a broken record with my assertion that you don't invite someone to something unless you are going to pay for them.
Having said that, I think that if you agree to travel to an event, the travel cost is your own.
One of mine says that she would expect to pay travel costs for anyone she invited. That's a grand statement. No destination weddings for her, I'd be guessing :)
Another thing I have said repeatedly is that I still am a fan of the old style wedding where guests give something they can afford and are not obligated to give the cost of their meal. An elderly aunt of mine gave me a small box of drink coasters for a wedding gift. At the time i thought it was boring and a bit miserable but I knew better than to say anything. As I have grown, I have realised that her presence alone took a great effort. She was a widow and pensioner of many years, who travelled alone to be there for us and was probably in her 70s.
I'm starting to carry on like an old lady "back in my day......."
In some ways i want to say I've earned it. In other ways I want to say don't let me ever become that!
And look at that, I started on parties and ended up with a comment on aging.
Aging in probably relevant to most of your readers. My late partner taught me about such things as events, hosting and parties. They are your guests, you pay. Not for the travel or accommodation though, unless you are accommodating them in your home.
ReplyDeleteI agree with those rules!
Deleteand yes, I suspect most of my readers tread that line between grumpy old so-and-so and hip older person
I don't go to a wedding to make jewelry, play golf or go on a cruise. That is crazy! Back in my day, we never did things like that. They are taking company on their honeymoon cruise? Double crazy. Or is it because I am 78 and grumpy?
ReplyDeleteI jumped from a birthday to a wedding so I may have confused things but it's a birthday party with the activities. An expensive party to attend.
DeleteI don't think you're grumpy
I have heard the same debate about bridal party expenses. Who pays for the matron of honour's dress, shoes, hair do and make up? What about each bridesmaid and flower girl? Who pays for the taxis and flowers?
ReplyDeleteI totally agree that if you travel to someone's wedding the only expense should be the travel. If they want to include accommodation and activities that should be at their expense and not the guest's. I don't know why people have to marry in some far-flung location anyway. I guess that makes me a crotchety old codger.
ReplyDeleteThis is why I have such a beef with destination weddings. I will only attend out of town weddings for extremely close friends or family, but these are always just a few hours drive away. I assume the costs for everything that is not directly wedding related. That being said, golf outings, cruises, joint meals, etc. that are "wedding events" should be picked up by the host.
ReplyDeleteYou're on my side when it comes to these activities. I like to make my own choices and not be told what I have to do.
ReplyDelete