While Mum has been in hospital, Dad has taken a downturn. He was forgetful and sometimes anxious about weird things; he needed help to navigate to most places, even familiar ones but he was mostly ok.
For some time he has had little appetite but was eating in a way that was almost normal.
I have discovered that dementia is like childhood: just when the carer thinks they understand what to do, something changes.
Last week I was surprised that there was an uneaten meal in Dad's fridge. I know what I have given him and most days I ask what he is eating. By my calculation he was out of food and yet, here was a full meal.
I had given him a large container of food and told him to eat half one day and half the next but what he had done was eat half, then half of half, then half of that. The quantity he ate each day was shrinking rapidly.
Aren't you hungry? I asked. "Well a bit more would have been nice"
It eventually became apparent that he was anxious about running out so decided to save some.
Apart from the fact I have supplied food for weeks now, he was unable to understand that the untouched food he was "saving" was as useful as nothing at all.
I have figured out that the favourites are divided and divided again while the "less favourites" languish.
The first Meals on Wheels delivery was today. I wonder how those will be prioritised.
One thing he always has is ginger beer, I can tell he drinks a lot of it by the number of empty bottles. On Sunday we went to the shop to get bread but we had to stop in the drink aisle. There were no 1.25 litre bottles of ginger beer so I suggested a six pack of cans. Dad looked disgusted and agreed reluctantly.
"Those big bottles are just. so. convenient. I'm so disappointed"
Better luck next time, Dad
Food for older people is a problem, isn't it. Especially for those of us who have always being cooked for.
ReplyDeleteThe cans of ginger beer would be so much more expensive than bottles, too.
I didn't know what a problem it is until it was my problem!
DeleteFortunately it is very easy to buy a huge variety of options and at many price points.
I'm also pretty good at hacks and shortcuts.
Cans are exxy compared to bottles but I thought it was ok as a one off
You noted that the first Meals on Wheels delivery was today, suggesting that it took some time to get organised. Was there any problem? What did your dad think of the food they prepared?
ReplyDeleteThe delay with meals on wheels was me being slow with the paperwork. Once I was ready, the delivery took 48 hours. They have been great.
DeleteThe first taste will be tomorrow. I'll update you, Hels
Oh bless him. My dad didn't like any of the food I organised for him - bland, tasteless, and portions not big enough. It's hard work, Kylie. I hope your dad likes the meals on wheels.
ReplyDeleteSx
It's hard when people are fussy!
DeleteIf I get pasta or shepherds pie, my dad is happy.
Eating half, then half of half, then half of that. Some funny ideas floating round his head! Not surprising that he wanted a bit more food! Yes, I hope the Meals on Wheels are a success.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to realise that he was hungry while I didn't know he needed closer supervision.
DeleteI just got caught up with you Kylie, the wedding pics are gorgeous and lovely to see you and your parents also.
ReplyDeleteDementia Diaries indeed. I have observed quite a few dementia friends over the years and every single time my heart was broken. Most recently a very close friend. I remember helping her tack in notebooks, then I found out she had added more notebooks and was lost among all the notes. She also forgot to eat or ate weird stuff like bananas for a few days to "economize". She was well to do. One of the things lost was flexibility in thinking like your dad following the rules of eating half only.
I found it easier to go along with all the cray-crays. It hurts. Deeply.
XO
WWW
It's recommended to go along with the crazy and I try but sometimes I haven't figured out the right skill.
DeleteThanks www.
You have probably said this before in "Eclectica" but how far away from you do your parents live? Let's hope that your father's decline is a slow one and that you can continue to provide the level of support you are giving right now.
ReplyDeleteI work a 5 minute walk from my parents house or they are a 20 minute drive from my house.
DeleteThis job runs out in June, who knows where I'll be then
Having lived through this with Mom, all I can do is tell you to be patient and as understanding as possible. Mom was OK for the most part for a long time, but then she progressed rapidly. I had mistakenly thought it was only difficult for the caregivers, but in her moments of clarity she knew she was what she always called "losing it"
ReplyDeleteSo far I've been very patient and Dad definitely knows he's losing it and is terrified.
DeleteAs I said to Nick, if only I'd realised I needed to supervise more closely
Looking after people with dementia is extremely challenging. We don't get the irrational that people have as in your dad and his managing of food.
ReplyDeleteI'm very fortunate he's mostly independent and is good natured and gracious
DeleteIt's heartbreaking when we realize how their thinking has deteriorated and they are suffering directly from it. It's those times that brought back my empathy for my mom. Kylie, you have an awful lot on your plate right now. I'm so sorry.
ReplyDeleteThanks Jenny. The next little while is looking to be pretty hard and I don't look forward to any of it
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