After my last post, Dad had a couple of goodish days and then became very sleepy and very grumpy.
On Saturday night the nursing home's resident cat slept on his bed and I was sure it was foretelling death. Dad was begging me to pull him from whatever hellish place he was in.
On Monday he was agitated and I requested a review from the palliative team. They confirmed that he wasn't doing well and prescribed continuous morphine.
The morphine pump was not organised before Dad slipped away, early on Wednesday morning.
Something I never imagined I'd want to do is accompany my father's earthly remains to the mortuary van but that was what I needed to do.
I was there as Dad was taken from his bed, wrapped up and taken away. It felt right.
The poor old bugger suffered and I took it upon myself to accompany him as much as I could, not because I could reduce his suffering but because I couldn't bear for him to be alone in it all.
There were really no last words this week but back when his heart first developed problems and I saw him in ICU he greeted me with a farewell and my childhood nickname "Bye bye, Curly Top"
It was pretty much perfect.
John Randall Jurd 5/8/1940 - 4/6/2025
I am so sorry to read this Curly Top. Your did well for him at the end, as I would guess he did for you as a young person.
ReplyDeleteYes Andrew, he did well for us all. I wouldn't describe ours as a close relationship but Dad was monumentally consistent and supportive. Under rated qualities
DeleteI know we all have to say goodbye to our parents, in the best way we can. But even if our parents reach a decent age, there is no way to say goodbye the last time and survive normally.
ReplyDeleteFriends, neighbours and family members pass away and we cry through the funerals. But with parents, we cry on.
Hels, I'm learning that grief and regret go hand in hand, even when it's not warranted. It's all hard but I was fortunate to have him for so long and fortunate to have opportunity to say goodbye. I'll try to focus on that.
DeleteYes, grief and regret can go hand in hand, but it seems that you did whatever you could to make your dad's last days as free of pain and discomfort as you could.
ReplyDeleteI did, Nick. I hope it made a difference
DeleteI cried as I read this post. I cried when I read it to Tommy. It seemed to me you were doing well for him by being with him a lot before he died. I missed that with my parents, and have always regretted. His hell is over, thankfully for the both of you. Love you. So sorry he was sad before he died. Practical Parsimony
ReplyDeleteThank you, Linda. I appreciate your friendship.
DeleteAlzheimers is a nasty beast
I am so saddened by your loss. I was there with my dad, but Mom was in the hospital during the height of the covid lockdown and we were not allowed to be with her. I will regret that forever.
ReplyDeleteYou went with him and that is what matters.
Please accept my deepest sympathies.
Anne, I knew that covid was dreadful but now I understand in a different way.
DeleteI'm so sorry you lost your mum under those circumstances.
Oh Kylie. I am glad he is no longer confused and in pain. In my experience grief and regret often do travel together but don't let the regret morph into shame.
ReplyDeleteYou did as much as you could.
Huge hugs and much love
Bye bye Curly Top are wonderful words to hang on to.
Thank you, dear EC
DeleteLove to you and your family Kylie
ReplyDeleteThank you, Cathy
DeleteI'm very sorry to hear that your dad has passed away. Sympathy to you and your family.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Red
DeleteHugs to you, Kylie.
ReplyDeleteSxx
Thank you, Ms Scarlet
DeleteSending you warm hugs from Montreal, Canada. I am so sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Linda.
DeleteMy deepest sympathy on your father’s passing, kylie. You sound like a very caring daughter to me. I’m so glad there is a Comforter we can lean on and who will walk with us through difficult days.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Robert.
DeleteThere has been so much mercy and grace in these last months, the Comforter has been right here.