Family Dynamics

A woman I have been loosely acquainted with over a number of years showed up at work a few weeks ago, wanting a place in respite care for her mother. 

The daughter, we will call her Lee, was clearly at the end of her rope after caring for her mother for a number of years. "I wish I had 12 sisters" she said "but my brothers took seriously the idea of leaving mother and father and cleaving to their wives and they are no help"

I jumped in immediately and said "honour your mother and father is in the ten commandments, don't give your brothers that excuse to hide behind" 

Anyway, after many requests over a long period, Lee's mum, Joy agreed to trial some formal care. Due process was followed and Joy was admitted this week.

Lee has arrived at my office in tears numerous times already, yesterday she was telling me that her mum had declined significantly since arriving in care. 

Soon after, I was showing a family through the place and as it happened, the only room available to show them was the unoccupied half of Joy's room. According to Lee's comments, I expected Joy to be minimally aware of the intrusion.

When we got there, Joy was sitting up and looking pretty perky for somebody 90 plus. I asked Joy if I could interrupt her for a few minutes to show the other half of the room.

She didn't answer me so I went ahead and turned lights on. At  that point, she turned and asked what I was doing so I asked again. Her answer was neither a yes or no but her tone made it clear that she resented the intrusion and we retreated. Joy was certainly not feeble, not confused, not unable to advocate for herself annd not at death's door.

When I later saw Lee sobbing and saying she was exhausted but she had to be here for her mum, I told her what I had experienced of her mother but what I really wanted to say was "go home and rest, I suspect your mother is playing you"