I think we all have seen stories about people facing the end of life who wait for a special event: a birthday, a visit, a baby's birth, Christmas.
I have seen those stories all my life and assumed that the dying person wanted to be present. I still think my assumption is valid but I saw a snippet of video this week which added complexity I had never thought of.
A priest who works as a hospital chaplain described his visit to a woman who was expected to die within a day. He spoke with the family, prayed and administered last rites expecting that would be the end of the interaction.
The following week he was surprised to see the woman still on the list for visiting. He questioned whether he had the correct list. He did and the doctor assured him the woman had less than a day left.
On the third week the woman was still there, still unconscious. The family was no longer quite so attentive, the TV was on and they looked tired.
The priest asked the nurse what she thought was happening with this woman and the nurse said "Oh, she's not going anywhere, a new grandbaby is due any day now and she won't be going anywhere until baby arrives"
True to the nurse's prediction, the babe arrived, unconscious granny was informed that the baby was here and safe and the lady soon passed away.
The priest commented that we are all escorted in and out of this life, he also commented that a good number of us will reach heaven on the prayers of our grandmothers.
End of Life will be a mystery until we experience it but I have to agree with the priest: the motivator for the granny in the story, who was unconscious the whole time and never met the baby must have been much more powerful than curiosity and more powerful than a snuggle with a newborn.
What do you think kept her going? and who would you like to escort you out of life?
I think in some circumstances that is true, but a number are just coincidences. Thinking about my own death is not what I want to do. Maybe something can be read into that.
ReplyDeleteThat's fair, Andrew. I was thinking of it more from the direction of who is comforting but nobody wants to consider their own end.
DeleteI think this is a really interesting subject. Over the years I have seen a few people go through the dying process. Obviously some deal with it better than others. Some fight to the end and die angry and confused, some welcome it because it's time to go and it ends suffering. I've seen some good deaths and some bad.
ReplyDeleteI have also seen friends and relatives make things a lot harder because they themselves don't know how to deal with such a loss. It's no coincidence that many people seem to die when their relatives have left because I think they feel obliged to 'be there' for others and are forced to hang on longer than they should. I have taken a leaf out of Tibetan Buddhist teachings (Tibetan Book of Living & Dying) that advise people not to be too emotional or stressed in the presence of a dying relative or friend. They believe it makes the transition harder. So every time I have been confronted with a dying person, including my 2 beautiful toy poodles, I try to contain my sorrow, stay calm, and give them 'permission' to go with love. When they are gone, and hopefully in a more peaceful place, I allow the full force of my heartbreak to come to the surface. The rituals of death are for the living.
Michelle is absolutely agree that the rituals of death are for the living. I remember at least one occasion when a family didnt announce a death until after the cremation. I would have liked to pay my respects but the opportunity never came.
DeleteI have heard that many people slip away when they are alone or even ask family to go away on some pretext. Your explanation for that makes sense.
My grandfather, my greatest hero in life, apparently knew he was dying but nobody told me. He kept himself alive until my wedding, made a brilliant speech, kissed me goodbye when spouse and I went overseas after the wedding, then died. The aerogramme that I received 8 days later was filled with loss.
ReplyDeleteOh wow! I love that he was here for your wedding and wanted you to enjoy the day. I'm sorry you didn't get to say goodbye.
DeleteI saw that piece elsewhere and these days we question everything in the era of AI. So much AI out there all desperate for clicks. It's a lovely story and uplifting in some ways. I know my Granny would hear the Banshee when someone died in her village. So there's that. 🤔
ReplyDeleteXO
WWW
Oh! I was taken in by AI? That will teach me 🤣
DeleteGranny heard the Banshee? I wonder if that's a scary experience or matter of fact. Do you know?
When visitors outstayed their welcome my mother would often say - thank god for that, I thought they’d never go.
ReplyDeleteSeemingly (because I here not there) the day my mother died she was aware enough late afternoon to tell one sister to go on home and make dinner for everyone- sister said, ok see you tomorrow- mother said probably. The other sister stayed on, and on into the night. She left to go to the toilet down the corridor- mum rallied a bit and said to the nurse - thank god for that I thought she’d never go……closed her eyes and promptly ‘left the building’!
That sister was not amused when she got back to mum’s room - the other just smiled and said, mum knew
Ah yes, your mum wanted to be left in peace. I've heard this idea many times.
DeleteI even heard of someone who asked their relative to get them a glass of water and was gone when the person returned.
DeleteWhat do you think kept her going? It was her heart that kept her going longer than expected. Any relationship between her death and the grandchild's birth was purely co-incidental. In thousands more instances deaths occur with complete disregard to imminent family events such as the birth of a new member.
ReplyDeleteWho would you like to escort you out of life? I don't really want anybody to escort me out of life. However, if I happen to be in a hospice, I would like it to be a kind nurse who knows what she is doing and has seen it all before.
I agree that death can be delayed for some mysterious reason,
ReplyDeleteIt's quite interesting.
DeleteI don't have the capacity to understand the complexities of death, but I hope when it is my time someone I love is there to welcome me.
ReplyDeleteMy grandmother was met by her siblings, my uncle by his wife. They told us who was waiting for them.
DeleteI'm sure someone will welcome you
It is possible she wanted to know the new baby was safe. I remember a family relative in a coma on life support for years until the husband one day said, we will miss you, and always love you but it is okay if you go now. And she died within the hour.
ReplyDeleteRiver, I agree it was all about the baby. I find it surprising she stuck around for a baby she would never see.
DeleteI also find it amazing that someone would spend years on life support and then go so quickly.
Its all such a mystery.
As you say, people are often determined to stay alive until some special event has occurred, like the birth of a baby. As for a death escort, the only person I would like to escort me out of life is Jenny.
ReplyDeleteI was thinking mostly of somebody to meet you on the other side, like a grandmother or a sister but it might be Jenny!
DeleteI did make a comment but it has mysteriously disappeared.
ReplyDeleteIll check spam when I can log in at home
DeleteLike Nick, I also left a comment but it appears to have gone. I thought it was just ruthless censorship by the autocratic ruler of this blog. To repeat - what do I think kept the woman alive? Her heart, pumping blood - healthier and more tenacious than the medics realised. The link with the new grandchild was purely co-incidental in my very humble opinion.
ReplyDeleteJust call me Trumpelina!
DeleteI've heard so many stories like this, I'm sure she waited for the baby. Even though I find it impossible
Dear Trumpelina,
DeleteMy grandfather died three weeks before I was born. It is easy to tell why he made no effort to hang on. He must have had a premonition.
Yours,
The Child of The Devil