I'm working full time at the moment, which is good for me and necessary but it makes me feel like I have very little time for blogging. Maybe it's more a matter of time management than hours in the day. I don't know. I miss you and I know I have thought of a number of topics and forgotten them again. Frustrating.
This evening I watched the livestreamed funeral of a man who was once vaguely in my orbit. I mostly think of him as the brother of a school friend, Cath. Chris was in my brother's year at school. The family lived a couple of blocks away from us.
When my first child was born, Chris came with my brother to see me in hospital. I remember them, two 20 year olds, commenting on the size of my newborn's balls.
Recently Cath made a non-specific facebook post about heart break and not having really been in touch for 30 years, I watched silently. It became obvious as I watched the funeral that Chris took his own life.
Soon after watching the funeral, a facebook post came up about the death of a church pastor in Queensland. The guy's name was unusual and a girl I had known in high school had married a man with the same name. A quick google revealed that he was, in fact, the husband of the girl I knew and he, too, took his own life.
These events are distant from me because the people haven't been in my life for so long but in degrees of separation, they are incredibly close. Both men died within a month of each other.
I can't even describe why I am writing about it because it doesn't affect me.
But it does.
Last week I sat opposite an 85 year old who tearfully told me "I promised my sister I would never put her in aged care" and I responded with something I say quite often "Most people eventually become too old to properly care for themselves and if they don't end up in aged care it is usually because something tragic happens"
I started saying it as an attempt at comforting people but now I am seeing just how brutally true it is.
Yes, I have found out sad details regarding people who were once important in my life - I blame the internet, without it I probably wouldn’t know what happened to these people - or maybe I would have learnt the news from a mutual friend, and then I could have at least expressed my feelings to someone.
ReplyDeleteIt leaves a deep sadness, and a wish that we’d stayed in touch.
Take care, m’dear.
Sx
Without the internet, I never would have heard about these.
DeleteThank you, Ms Scarlet
As a society we have become separated. I do fault social media and working from home more. It is face to face interactions where we find out more about folks who are in our realm, even if they are just tangental friends.
ReplyDeleteHi Anne,
DeleteI agree that face to face meeting or even a phone call allows for much more incidental information to be exchanged
The grand daughter of a blogger I read recently suicided. It is just too awful. It is unfair to ask someone to make a promise not to put them into care, thereby making the person feel so guilty.
ReplyDeleteHi Andrew,
DeleteAged care is better than many alternatives.
Suicide causes a pain that ripples out for a long time.
Of course it affects you, these were people you knew, no matter how long ago. As for the sister in aged care, sometimes promises like that have to be broken. If the aged care is what she needs, then that is what you do for her. The one left has no need to feel guilty and can still visit her sister as least.
ReplyDeleteHi River,
DeleteWhen I tell people we all end up in aged care unless something awful happens, suicide is one of those things.
Thank you
You are probably writing about it because suicides are so unthinkably sad. When you were at school, the first person was a perfectly normal lad. Now sonething must have been so terrible that he ended his life. Even a church pastor couldn't tolerate the suffering at some stage :(
ReplyDeleteIt's just dreadful. Two men in their 50s. There should have been so much more for them.
DeleteThank you, Hels
I think maybe you are writing about it because you know the facts, but not the story that led to the facts. That's one of the crappy things about reading something on social media, you can't ask why, how or when as you would do if a person had told you about these men.
ReplyDeleteRecently in my broad social circle, a young man committed suicide and left a social media post blaming his ex-girlfriend. Both families have been shattered, and friends have been caught in the middle trying not to take sides, it is a tragic mess. Just so much widespread sadness and grief.
To lighten the mood, I have also had a similar problem lately remembering stuff and have gone totally old school and purchased a notebook. I have to say in the last fortnight I have felt organised and on top of stuff thanks to a little green notebook with a horse on it. Who'd a thunk it !!!! Megan
Hi Megan,
DeleteWhat an awful mess that situation is! And how dreadful to cop the blame for something that can never be put right.
Yay for your notebook! If it's cute as well as helpful, thats a bonus!
Suicide is such a sad and tragic decision. I suspect the reason for your fascination is the waste of what could have been many more happy years if they had been able to overcome the despair and hopelessness that led them to suicide. A boy at my prep school killed himself but I never found out why he was so forlorn.
ReplyDeletePart of why it's so bad is that there doesnt have to be a reason. Suicide doesn't always come with a major problem, it comes with no particular reason and no fixable problem
DeleteI know what you mean about such tragic deaths and how close they are to us by just a few degrees of separation. Never ask for who the bell tolls - it tolls for thee!
ReplyDeleteWe both posted about tragic deaths within a few days of each other. The echo was poignant.
Delete