Now he is an old man who phones persistently and sometimes makes unreasonable requests. It didn't take me long to realise he is highly anxious so one day we silently came to an agreement. Mr P was being a bit demanding and I gave him all the respect in the world but held a calm, firm line. I can't remember what it was about but I know he has treated me like an old friend ever since.
Mrs P is coming very close to the end of her life and Mr P is distraught. Today he was nearby and I popped out to talk to him. "Did you know Mrs P was my piano teacher?"
"No, I didn't, do you still play? I'm so glad you told me that. I still have the piano, you know....."
And off he went, telling me about the piano and various other things.
At one point he told me he doesn't mean to be but he thinks he is a pain to the staff. The right response just came to my head and I told him, very truthfully, that we are all very respectful of his dedication to her.
It was just a ten minute conversation but it was one of the most beautiful ten minutes of my week.
I love how you have that skill Kylie, to put an old man at ease and change his attitude. I find the old angry people (I live with a few) have unmet needs they can't articulate or are ashamed of being lonely or feeling abandoned or a myriad other things. I was chair of the tenants' committee here for a while and learned a lot about their deeper needs and how they can manage them a little better. Respect and kindness with a dose of calmness is the key. Well done you.
ReplyDeleteXO
WWW
Thank you, Mary. It feels like a super power when I do well.
DeleteI have yet to find a useful strategy for the guy who makes way too many sexual jokes 😒
I'm sure your conversation made him happy too.
ReplyDeleteI think he was happy i remember his wife before she was ill
DeleteI am glad you are able to be firm and respectful without showing annoyance. I know I could not do that.
ReplyDeleteIt depends on the circumstance and the attitude. I had one difficult person who kept excusing himself for shouting at me. I didnt respond at all until he apologised
DeleteHow old are Mr and Mrs Piano? It must be very difficult for the residents, and for the staff, to acknowledge that the end of days could be any moment.
ReplyDeleteHi Hels, Mr is 90, Mrs is 89.
DeleteI think for staff, the priority is caring for residents but for the family involved its very hard. They have been married 66 years
I guess the family is part of the care management, for better or worse. You handled his needs with respect.
ReplyDeleteFamily is super important and can make our job infinitely harder or easier.
DeleteI didnt have any obligation to talk with Mr P but I wanted to
Sometimes we get lucky and say something that really hits the mark.
ReplyDeleteI got really lucky this time, Red. And I want to remember it
DeleteMy sisters played Fur Elise. It brings back autumn evenings before my mother drew the curtains.
DeleteDH Lawrence has a poem on hearing someone playing the piano as he walks by a house in town.
FUR ELISE PERFORMED BY LANG LANG. YouTube.
LANG LANG & GINA ALICE : CHOPIN - NOCTURNE OP. 9 NO. 1 IN B FLAT.
A beautiful ten minutes of your life : we all should think of those peak moments.
I remember walking my dog and hearing a piano in a house. It's beautiful, even when the music is very ordinary.
DeleteIt may not be your kind of music but I recommend ...
DeleteBILL EVANS - MY FOOLISH HEART (1964) RESTORED.
YouTube. Music Vault Video.
Always in thrall to black artists like Bud Powell, Art Tatum and Thelonius Monk,
Bill Evans brought his own classical training to jazz piano. He was a friend of Glenn Gould.
When Tony Bennett was in trouble in his career he did an album with quiet Bill.
Bill Evans went downhill after his brother committed suicide. He never benefitted from
the college jazz circuit that kept Dave Brubeck a household name.
On one of his last concerts Bill played at a nothing much bar in Vancouver.
I think I have every album he ever made. More honoured now than when he was alive.
BILL EVANS INTERVIEW 1970.
DeleteYouTube. symbolkid. He died in 1980.
So do you think this means Mr P has the piano in the retirement village? Could be a squeeze.
ReplyDeleteWhen Mr P was selling the house, the purchaser wanted to piano with it. Mr P said he wanted an option to buy the piano back if he could fit it into the retirement unit. The piano did fit and he bought it back. He was very sad that Mrs P never played it again.
Delete