Wednesday, 29 September 2010

it's a challenge......

the garage is full of stuff, lots of stuff. there are power tools and bicycles and garden implements, a box of hay, old baby goods, paint, carpet, a lawn mower, an engine, various car bits and on it goes.
the car just manages, by the skin of her old teeth, to fit in between all of the stuff.
as i drive in to the garage i veer left as far as i can because if i dont i wont fit out the door on the right. if i am having a good day i dont hit the wing mirror, which i already hit once so it's no longer a mirror, just a mirror holder. if i'm having a very bad day the car wheel clips a bike pedal and starts to drag the bike, the bike falls onto the car and the whole mess is only untangled by slowly backing up, jumping out to free the bike, putting it back as upright as possible , then jumping back in the car and veering a couple of mills further right.
any miscalculation traps me in the car but i will stubbornly try to get out , contorting myself into spaghetti shapes to try to avoid another reverse and re-park. when i finally get out i hold my clothing tight against my body or something will surely catch the handlebar of another bike and i wont notice until i am caught up with a tearing garment or a falling bike or both.
if the car wasnt clean before it will be now, in fact i think it is extra shiny where i push past it each day.
getting back in the car requires technique. i turn and arch my back a little against the old girl, taking care not to breathe as i pass the handlebars lest i get a stomach injury, slide my let hand out to lift the handle and slide into the cavity where the door was. i sit on the edge of the seat and lean back towards the passenger seat so i can maintain balance as i pretzel my legs under the door, over the sill and above the seat at which point i finally have my whole self in the vehicle and can swivel my little tush around to face the controls. after all of that i might be tempted to grab the pain-away from the glove box and give myself a massage before heading out. i most certainly appeal to every known deity in the hope that i havent forgotten something


  1. Let's just hope the one thing never forgotten is to open the garage door before you contort yourself into the car. That would take more than pain relievers from the glove box.

  2. i once forgot to shut the car door before backing out. messy =D

  3. Am I missing something? Why bother to put the car in the garage? Hardly anybody does that here, most garages are just junk rooms so full there's scarcely room for roller skates, let alone a car.

    Alternatively, why not clear out the junk? Or is it all of deep sentimental value?

  4. Those men from the sub-continent who can contort themselves so that their chin sits on their feet are surely made to enter le Peugot without the trouble you must take!

    Of course one could just secretly dispose of "the stuff" gradually.

  5. Oooh, baby, horrendously overcrowded garages in which everything falls on your car making it impossible for you to either open the door or back the car out (without destroying stuff) just makes me foam at the mouth. Thank you so much for sharing. I haven't had a such a stupendously overflowing teeth-cleaning foam for months. Maybe the dogs will be able to stand my breath again when it's all over.

  6. well nick,
    the space on the road is taken up with the boat and the work truck. and putting crap in garages is stupid. for most people their car is their second most expensive possession and they sit in the weather degrading while the worthless crap is protected in the garage

  7. dad,
    i'm trying to figure out which is the most worthless so i can rationalise :)

  8. snow,
    anytime you want a foaming mouth experience just holler! :)


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