Sunday, 29 April 2018

washing up

I read an article today which was saying "Women who wash the vast majority of the dishes themselves report more relationship conflict, less relationship satisfaction, and even worse sex, than women with partners who help. "



The writer goes on to ask why the washing up is such an issue. Why is it that washing up is the thing women want help with more than any other household task?


She theorises that maybe it is in the gross nature of washing up, and talks about sour milk in sippy cups. After that she goes on to talk about how it involves cleaning up after others and how there is no glory in shiny silverware.


The writer didn't ask my opinion, what does my head in is the absolutely unrelenting nature of washing up. It never goes away. 


Yesterday, 

I washed up. 


Then I put some oranges  on to cook for a cake and put some chicken carcasses in the slow cooker and then 


I washed up


and then I made the cake and 


washed up


then I made single serve packages of the last nights left overs and 


washed the dish


within ten minutes both single serves had been claimed and eaten so I 


washed the containers and plates.


Then I needed my own lunch so I made and ate it and


washed up.


Then I did a mini fridge clear out 


and washed up


and organised a snack for someone going to work at an odd time


and washed up.


During the later part of this, my daughter was making soup so as she cooked, 


I washed.


Then we had a quick bowl of soup and went out for the evening and left the dishes there and when we got home they were still there.


Are you sick of it yet? because I was.


I can deal with gross washing up, give me a container of moldy left overs and I'll barely gag. A slimy dog bowl with fly spots is easy. A toddlers sippy cup with sour milk is not even worth a mention. A crusty dinner plate just needs a bit of a soak.


Give me six plastic take away containers and I'll probably knock your head off, those things are evil.


The relationship conflict, dis-satisfaction and poor sex suffered by sole wash-up-erers are probably explained in the final paragraph " The nature of dishwashing.... encourages couples to stand in the kitchen together and work simultaneously until the job is done. That kind of teamwork, especially when practiced regularly, often makes partners feel more connected, ready to tackle the gross and the curdled, in and outside of the sink."


So we are left with the age old chicken and egg question: Is the relationship crummy because of solitary washing up or is the solitary washing up a symptom of a crummy relationship?


22 comments:

  1. The interminable jobs get me down.
    I don't mind washing up much (but don't do as much as you do). And I quite like to do it on my own and let my mind wander. Which no doubt says dreadful things about my relationship.
    Dusting and ironing are both very low on my preferred task list. And I would happily hand responsibility for them on to someone else. Anyone else.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. dusting can be almost therapeutic if there are not too many things to move! I iron on an as needed basis which is inefficient and probably inconvenient but that's what I do!
      I do like a job which lets my mind wander but I want it to be within range to come back :)

      Delete
  2. I never wash up, if it doesn't go in the dishwasher it gets thrown away. :D

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    Replies
    1. That is a mighty fine strategy!

      Delete
  3. Balderdash. Neither. It all depends on the situation that exists in the relationship. I wash, my son washes and my daughter in law washes up. When my late wife needed to be cared for I even cooked and washed. No big deal and the family stayed together and flourished. Despite her absence, it continues to.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You have the ability to keep a good attitude in every situation! Me, not so much!

      Delete
    2. I actually enjoy washing up. I find it soothing and I like getting everything clean and ready to be used again. But then, there's only the two of us. Washing up for a whole family is a different matter. Then again, most households here have dishwashers and don't do any manual washing-up. Why is nobody else in your house washing up anyway?

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    3. Nick,
      I've always said I'm happy to wash if somebody dries: I can do anything if I have company. So I wash and the dishes air dry

      Delete
  4. There's this new-fangled invention called a dishwasher. Perhaps you need to have one installed. Maybe it should have happened years back. Given water shortages in Australia are dishwashers allowed?

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    Replies
    1. dishwashers are allowed! maybe we should have one, i actually had a choice when we renovated the kitchen 20 years ago and thought i needed the cupboard space more than a diswasher. I have made many mistakes, that was one of them

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  5. I wash all the dishes here and I like it that way.

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    Replies
    1. I guess The Micro Manager puts her feet up and watches TV while you are slaving away in the kitchen.

      Delete
  6. I like doing the washing up by myself... I know how to stack the drainer so that I can get as much on as possible before there is a mishap... people helping usually causes a mishap! Whenever someone helps me they are usually after something... it makes me terribly suspicious.
    Sx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha so no boyfriend should ever bring you flowers, huh??

      Delete
  7. I started out my adult life not minding doing dishes, and like you decided against a dishwasher when I had the choice years ago. Then years of being the sole dishwasher (a choice I made to try to equalize the workload as my husband was working long hours) led to a sore back every time I did dishes. A couple of years ago we decided to get a dishwasher instead of Christmas gifts to each other and it has literally changed my life and the amount of back pain I have. I can imagine how tired you are of doing dishes and frankly if you have the means I would highly recommend a machine. It will free up so much time and energy for other things -- something everyone else in your family takes for granted.

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    Replies
    1. there is a kitchen renovation on the horizon, part of the great Feng Shui project which I think started before I knew you. Maybe I can get a dishwasher then

      Delete
  8. My problem (and yours I think) is that we clean up after doing every single thing in the kitchen even if it's one plate and a fork! Just don't like to let things pile up and wash them once a day. Of course having a small kitchen like I do it's kind of a must to stay on top of things. Fortunately my daughter pitches in with the dishes though I find it's one of many tasks that I sort of sleepwalk through.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I actually tend to leave dished for too long but then it's very hard to get the backlog sorted because there is continual dish production!

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  9. I think I wash or clean up about 99 percent of all kitchen messes. The exception is if we have company and then TheHub almost takes the fork out of your mouth as you take the last bite. I think he wants guests to think he is a help.

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    Replies
    1. hahaha i know a few fellas who are a bit like that!
      Along the same lines, they say women do the day to day cooking and men do show cooking. It's a great description

      Delete
  10. kylie,
    I had to calm down before I commented. Ex never washed dishes because that was my job. One day, he kept the kids who were three and one while I subbed. I told him I did NOT want to come home to dishes. He argued and I threatened. When I came home, he said all they did was eat and mess up dishes all day long. When he got breakfast dishes done, they were hungry. After he cleaned that up, they were hungry, so he fed them lunch. Then, they wanted a snack and napped and woke up hungry and dirtied more dishes. Now, I was gone from 7:30 to 3:30,eight hours. I did this all day long every day. Really, how serious are the dishes from two little kids? I could go on, but I would have been happier if there had been an equitable distribution of labor in the home. Now, I do not mean a 50/50 division of labor inside the house. Maybe 90/10 with me doing the lion's share.

    He would have tried to tell me how to wash dishes if we did it together, like he had done much of it. He would have to be the boss instead of following my lead since I was more experienced. His system, if he had one, would be for me to do what he said, even if it meant carrying dishes wet across the floor and making a mess.

    Sex? We were married for 14 years, and for 12 of those, I never had the big O because he just made sure he was happy. Very selfish man!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hear you! my husband knows best when he always adjusts the gas on the stove, it's like a compulsion....

      I'm sorry things were miserable and I'm glad you found your way out

      Delete

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