Early in January, I attended the funeral of a man I had not seen or even spoken to in over 10 years.
My husband first worked with Janusz in 1998 so I heard of him before I met him. I started working at the same company in 2003 and got to know a man who was friendly but reserved. He was raising his three boys, then aged about 7-13, alone after what seemed to me to have been a devastating relationship with a cruel person and then a divorce he had never wanted.
Janusz was never what you would call demonstrative or emotional but he was not a closed book, either. He was very careful financially but indulged his love for model trains and took an annual trip to the Snowy Mountains. I was hugely surprised when he told me he paid extra for cage free eggs because he couldn't bear the thought of the poor little chickens in cruel cages.
Over the years that we worked together Janusz was encouraging and supportive of me in his own way and I was filled with rage when he was fired and escorted off the site like some kind of criminal. There was an accusation that he was falsifying results on laboratory tests but he was integrity personified and I will never believe that.
After we both left the company, there was no reason for us to stay in touch though he kept loosely in touch with my husband and set him up with a job at one point.
I was shocked and saddened to learn of his death of a massive heart attack and the least i could do was attend his funeral, show some support to his boys and say my inadequate farewells.
I found the funeral a lot more distressing than I had expected and will probably never come to terms with the sense of the unfairness of his life and death.
I am using the order of service from the funeral as a bookmark and the sight of his photo reminds me every day of the power of a person who is unashamedly themselves, unconcerned with status or appearance but lives with complete integrity and a quiet, consistent love for the people around him
Janusz' favourite way to close a conversation was to say "I'll leave you in pieces"
I hope to hear it again. One day.
It's a terrible shock when someone so principled and likeable dies suddenly. A friend of ours died in December of Strep A and sepsis after 2½ weeks in intensive care and it was a massive shock. We still can't quite believe she's gone. Her partner is still in bits trying to come to terms with her death.
ReplyDeleteNick, after all the intervening years I thought I was attending the funeral as a formality but I was wrong.
DeleteSometimes people seem to be improving or at least stable and then just die. Maybe your friend was like that? I'm sorry for your loss and for her husband's.
Janusz sound like a remarkable man.
ReplyDeleteHe was regarded as odd but remarkable is a much better word
DeleteI'm sorry for your loss. They don't make them like that anymore.
ReplyDeleteA lot of men never quite grow up but he was not like that
DeleteI am sorry for the loss of your friend. Your tribute to him was lovely.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Anne
DeleteI'm sorry for your loss. Do you wish you'd had more contact with Janusz over the last 10 years?
ReplyDeleteSx
I don't think we would have had much to say to each other outside the workplace but i definitely wish there had been proper farewells with a chance to say something about how much I valued him. Both of us were dumped from there with no chance of goodbyes or any kind of appreciation
DeleteSociety seems to be suspicious and perhaps fearful of those who live lives "unconcerned with status or appearance but ... with complete integrity and a quiet, consistent love for the people around them". Rest in peace Janusz and may your children flourish now that you have gone.
ReplyDeleteI eventually realised that I probably knew him better than most of the people at the funeral. I really, really hope his son's are ok, they are still youngish and have no remaining family except each other
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