Dad is still with us. I managed to find a place in an aged care facility. It was offered to me on Thursday and I pushed to have him moved from hospital on Friday. The way I think, every day in a more pleasant facility is valuable when the days are limited.
I wouldn't necessarily say he's happy there because what he desperately wants is to be at home, but it's less noisy and the care is more personal. He has a big window and his own bathroom. The food is nicer than hospital food. It's about as good as it will be.
Dad's low oxygen levels show up in aggression, agitation and a complete lack of inhibition. He has told me I say "a little bit" way too often, told my sister her legs are fat, told my brother he thinks he's funnier than he is and said to me I mustn't have enough money for a decent haircut.
He will make disgusted noises when offered food but simultaneously reach for it and has attempted to hit people with his walking stick. (The stick has been replaced with a walker)
For his whole life, Dad has had very short hair but before he went to hospital and was having delusions he didn't believe he had enough money for a haircut. Now that the delusions have receded, he has been asking and asking for a cut and I've finally got a plan in place. Let's hope he is agreeable tomorrow when the hair dresser arrives.
In among all of this he thanks us for visiting, expresses concern about our lives and apologises for being rude.
He was noticeably very tired today but still quite conscious.
When I was saying goodbye he said he'd see me in heaven.
I don't think we are at that point just yet but it is getting much closer
It's a rough road you are travelling, and rough for your father too. If it helps, keep writing and we will keep reading, with supportive thoughts.
ReplyDeleteYes Andrew, the middle of the night phone calls i forgot to mention in the post are heartbreaking.
DeleteAnd though I know the rudeness and aggression are created by disease, they can still sting on a bad day.
My late sister in law lived in an aged care facility and also had some complaints about boredom. But if the residents wanted a hair cut or manicure, the facility immediately had a lovely lady ready to provide good quality care.
ReplyDeleteI've just realised there must be a whole industry of nursing home hairdressers and they must be angels
DeleteMy thoughts are with you as your navigate this phase of life with your Dad. I am very happy you found someplace he can get the care he needs.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Anne
DeleteI am so glad that you found a place in an aged care facility. Those remarks can hurt though. Particularly at the end of a long day/week.
ReplyDeleteHuge hugs.
A couple of days ago I tripped on the cord of a bed sensor and it scared the daylights out of me so I didn't have any reserve energy for his complaints.
DeleteThanks EC
this is what is called poor quality of life. Unfortunately many people travel that road.
ReplyDeleteHi Red, it is definitely a poor quality of life but I've done all I can to create the best we can get.
DeleteThe heart problem will possibly save many awful years of alzheimers. For that, I'm grateful
Thank you for writing so honestly about your life of late. I think getting the details out onto paper (screen) and sharing it with us while they are fresh in your mind is both brave and therapeutic. I am asking for strength and grace to be given to you.
ReplyDeleteAbove is from me, sorry.
DeleteThank you, Robert.
DeleteIt's all very confronting for me and for readers but the hard topics are the ones I most like to write about.
They cut my dad's hair too short a couple of times - but better than no cut at all.
ReplyDeleteI knew when my dad was going to die because he kept complaining that his watch kept stopping, but when I wore it, it was fine. I reckoned the warmth from my body kept the battery going, but my dad's circulation wasn't strong enough to do the same. His hands were so cold. He died not long after.
I still have the watch, but don't wear it - too scared that it'll stop.
Sx
My dads hands are icey and I noticed today his feet are white.
DeleteHe's so tired, it can't be long.
Have you spoken about these memories often, Scarlet?
No, not really. Grief is a funny thing - you can think you're fine, and then you can be flooded with memories. My mum and dad died in 2019 - my dad in November that year, and then the pandemic happened and people told me I was lucky, which is an odd sort of thing to say to someone who has just lost their parents. But I know they meant well, and at the time I agreed. Now I feel like my dad's death coincided with the end of an era. They say that life goes on, but after dad died life as we knew it changed completely.
DeleteSx
It looks like your dad is in the best place he could be, though of course he wants to be "at home". I hope the haircut goes smoothly.
ReplyDeleteOr rather, went smoothly.
ReplyDeleteThe cut went well and is probably the most fashionable he's ever had.
DeleteHe's officially on End of Life Care now so he'll look spiffy in his box
I cannot imagine how this posted on Tuesday, but I only saw it on Friday. From the title, I thought he had died. This is harder on you than on him. I might be irritable in his shape. But, I hope not.
ReplyDeleteabove is from Practical Parsimony.
DeleteLinda, I'm glad to hear from you. I was getting concerned.
DeleteI used that title because I wanted to remember dad saying it. It does give the impression he's died. I think we are hours or days away now
Kylie, so sorry, I'm just catching up on what's been happening in your world the last month. I've been working through May (unexpectedly) and had a health issue to take care of. So sorry to hear of all the stress you've had to deal with. Emergency after emergency will wear a person to the bone. Constant adrenaline and the dread of what might happen next is hard on the body and mind and spirit. You have done everything you could do for your parents in this imperfect world; do not forget that. And don't forget the part that your parents also played in the delay in care. You tried, they pushed back. And you ended up where you ended up. That is the fact that's hardest for me to keep in mind when my mother is looking more vulnerable than usual. Her choices helped create this situation in which she now suffers. That may sound harsh but so is feeling guilty when solutions were mostly out of your control. Wishing you strength as you go through these final hours of goodbye. xx
ReplyDeleteHi Jenny o,
DeleteWe seem to limp from crisis to crisis. It's hard to maintain any semblance of normality. You obviously understand.
And you're right, poor choices have difficult consequences for those directly involved and also for everyone around.
Thanks for your good wishes
Does anyone have the fairytale experience of old age any more? Sitting in a rocking chair looking west as the sun goes down, recalling a life of quiet contentment and then simply fading away? Well done on getting your father into that "facility". I hope that by now he has had a smart new haircut.
ReplyDeleteRight up to about march, Dad was driving, shopping, going to church etc so he was one of the lucky ones. And he got the haircut but thought it was too long :)
Delete