I'm in a bit of a funk and can't seem to shake it. I keep trying to figure out why but I don't know.
I don't think it's grief. I loved my dad but we weren't close enough that I miss him on a daily basis.
Maybe it's because I feel the weight of organising Dad's estate and also of emptying mum and dad's house (the family home) ready for sale.
Maybe it's the grief of farewelling the property I grew up in, a second home for my own children.
Maybe it's because I struggle to feel competent at my job or because there are no windows in the office or because I can't make any meaningful relationship with any colleagues because everyone is too isolated by busyness. Or because the woman I job share with can cut me down at the precise moment I'm starting to feel like I'm doing ok.
I don't know, none of it is easy but neither is any of it overwhelmingly awful.
I breathe badly, unevenly holding my breath and gasping. Is it a poor habit that makes me feel stressed or do I breathe badly because I feel stressed?
This weekend I have booked in to do a Christmas craft workshop, hopefully that will be a chance for a cuppa and a chat. I'll go to a movie on Saturday evening and on Sunday I'll make the drive to see Liam and his wife and my grandson.
The darkness of the cinema should calm me down and the socialising should refresh my spirit. That's the plan, any way.
I hope for your sake these activities do make you feel more grounded, and uplifted.
ReplyDeleteThanks Andrew
DeleteOh my goodness, Kylie, I'm not surprised you feel in a funk! You've done the right thing by planning a pleasant weekend to relieve the stress.
ReplyDeleteI hope you feel more comfortable soon.
Sx
Thank you, Ms Scarlet. I'll get there!
DeleteI hope your plan works and that the blues leave you alone.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Red
DeleteHere's a hug for you Kylie. I'm in the same kind of funk for some of the same reasons. The uneven breathing is caused by anxiety. Hard to believe, but your mind can interrupt normal functions like heart rate and breathing. I've got a few exercises I can send to you... just let me know.
ReplyDeleteWith U.S. Thanksgiving this upcoming Thursday, I'm thinking of finding a volunteer opportunity to help feed those who need the help. My plan to feel useful... at least for a little while.
Send the exercises! I got an app with breathing exercises but when it didnt seem to help I gave up. Maybe a different approach will help.
DeleteVolunteering is always a good thing, I hope you find an opportunity and have a great day.
Do you have an Apple Watch? I can send one if you do, and one if you don’t.
DeleteI don't have one
DeleteI hope you can escape the funk and raise your spirits. Hopefully your weekend activities will make a difference. Not feeling competent at your job must be demoralising. You're probably more competent than you think.
ReplyDeleteHi Nick,
DeleteIm competent enough but nothing is second nature yet so I have to think hard all the time and deal with emails saying i got things wrong
Your post resonates with me, Kylie. I do hope you enjoy your weekend and other social activities and that having some social contact helps lift your spirits. It sounds like some strategies/tactics to deal with your co-worker’s inability to actually job share, appreciating others strengths and differences might help? And all of the things involved with your Dad’s death and your Mum’s moving into care and the selling of the family home are hard changes. Take care, Helen
ReplyDeleteThank you Helen.
DeleteMy colleague is a bully but highly regarded. She will be on extended leave soon so I just have to hang in there.
Life can be hard, cant it?
I feel like I'm coming out of a funk myself so can relate. Time of year, Christmas memories. No idea. You have a lot going on and grief is a sneaky bastard, creeping up even though we feel "over it". I am glad you are making positive plans and grandkids are a huge tonic. I find music often helps me, and sitting by the ocean, finding a fresh space in the world.
ReplyDeleteXO
WWW
I imagine that if i knew how the funk came, I'd know how to get rid of it but even that is no guarantee.
DeleteI haven't sat by the ocean in a long time. Maybe I should.
Here’s another vote for having time by the water….any water. River - Ocean - Pond - Reservoir. Being near water is good for your mental health. Give it a go if you’re able Kylie.
ReplyDeleteI’m not going to say age could be part of the problem (but unfortunately it could). And give that little one lots of cuddles
Age, I didnt think of that. Thank you.
DeleteThe little one is mostly too busy for cuddles but I keep trying 😊
My goodness, any one of the things you mentioned could have caused your funk, let alone all of them at the same time. I think blogging about it helps and seeing your grandson will be the Ray of sunshine you need to disperse the gloom demons. Here’s hoping, and I’ll send up a prayer or two for good measure.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Robert.
DeleteYoung grandchildren make the world light up! Even in a difficult time.
ReplyDeleteYes! He's a delight 😊
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