When I asked you about a time you felt like this I was thinking of the one and only time I ever had the 'flu, real influenza.

It was around this time five years ago.

On the first day I felt a bit under the weather.

On the second I cut short a shopping trip because I was developing a fever, I felt worse than day one but still kind of okay.

On the third day I was struggling but I remained upright and had some sense of normality.

The day I really felt like the picture, the day my descent into hell was complete, was day four.

I didn't drag myself out of bed 'til 11am. I showered and was exhausted. I rested, made tea & toast and was exhausted. I ate most of the toast then sat and wondered what to do. My head hurt, my eyes hurt, my joints hurt, i think even my fingernails hurt. I couldn't think, I couldn't watch TV, I couldn't get comfortable and about 2pm I went back to bed. I lay there, drifting in and out of fevered sleep, listening to the sounds of the household and watching the sky from the window.

After a little while the kids started to miss me, they would slip into bed beside me, I would converse a little and drift away again. This went on for the afternoon until their Dad called them for dinner and baths. I fell asleep and was surprised when I woke in the dark. It was time for my wee ones to say goodnight. I focussed for long enough to wish them all a pleasant night and I fell back into the abyss.

That day was the turning point, I was just a little better the next day and improved until I could go back to work a week later. I carried paracetamol everywhere with me for another three weeks before I finally shook the headaches that I had been left with.

I don't think I will ever forget that day. I won't forget the altered reality: today I can't imagine that making tea & toast could be exhausting, that day I couldn't imagine it could be anything but.

Most of all, I will remember the comforting prescence of my little people. What a gift it was.