I was mulling over this idea of giving thanks every day of November and quietly recognising how difficult it might be, not because I have no gratitude but because I blog the stuff that burns a hole in my pocket and it's not always gratitude that's burning inside.
So, this post is a curmudgeonly one, dedicated to Zach and Leah.
I have been blindsided this week by what amounted to an accusation that I'm a loser. It's true that I have no huge ambitions, no dreams of grandeur, of huge material success, of public adulation (though I like to get lots of nice comments here so a little adulation is welcome).
I have no grand dreams to change the world.
A few years ago a friend asked me "What do you want?"
That was it, there were no other factors in the question, no circumstances to tailor the answer around.
I suspect that I have forgotten one part of my answer but in essence it was this:
" I want to have integrity and to earn respect, I want to love well and to be loved"
If that is my goal in life is it such a losing goal?
Is it such a pathetic ambition?
Should I be ashamed of it?
Or, just perhaps, I have understood myself and my values more clearly than most ?
maybe I have understood what is important to me when others are less sure?
And maybe, if I am to properly fulfil those goals, it will take a lifetime of practice?
I am mad about being judged in that way but in honour of the commitment I made to give thanks every day of November I will give thanks.
I am grateful that I know what I want.
Beautifully said.
ReplyDeleteI think thats an ambition full of integrity and honour.
To love well is all we are asked,
Peace my friend, M
thanks m
ReplyDeletexx
LOL!!!! A toast to curmudgeons everywhere!
ReplyDeleteNo seriously, I didn't think this was curmudgeonly. I thought it was wonderful, and second exactly what Maithri said above.
And I very much related, because I too have ambitions of a much more intangible nature, while my friends around me are more practically ambitious. I sometimes feel judged for not going after, for instance, a huge career but instead being content with a quiet life...
And I'll add again (I think I've said it before): you're really a very good writer, Kylie.
This IS beautifully said! I'm so glad I found you.. because I suspect we share similar values. :)
ReplyDelete~*
Aw, Kylie, I'm sorry to hear that someone would be so unkind. Your wish to love and be loved is in my opinion the highest sort of achievement and highest purpose that a person can aspire to! You showed us your business and beautiful family. There's nothing loser-ish about work or raising a family! You should be congratulated for the hard work and commitment dear.
ReplyDeleteOn politics it is difficult. It was a tough choice. We had good candidates of character that presented clear differences for us to choose between. Not every agreed with my choice of candidates in the last election and that is the way things are supposed to be. I have to defend to the bitter end their right to disagree with me because I know that the system works in reverse too - that others will respect my right to disagree with them. Now it's time for these divisions to heal ... then we'll be back to politics in a couple of years for some mid-term congressional races ;-)
Best wishes and respect,
Skeeter