Friday, 18 December 2009

definite oddness

the school year has just ended here and over the last couple of weeks i have spent some time at end of year school events. i am pretty impressed with the kid's achievements this year, by the way, and will be happy to send details to all interested parties but that's not what i'm here to talk about.

i have often had a sense of unease at school events, a sense of terror that i might be like "these people" (that's how i think of them). it is a bizarre affliction because "these people" are just like me. they are at school supporting their child, they are taking care of a family and doing their best. they probably dress similarly to me and shop in the same places and live the same kind of lives. they are honourable people but i look at the women, in particular, and shudder. i imagine them to be totally devoted to their kids and subsequently devoid of individual personality, devoid of interests or humour or lives.

it is a crazy feeling because i know nothing of these people and what i do know is good but i am often desperate to imagine i am different, desperate to declare myself different.

the most interesting part of all this is that it seems to be mostly represented in the hair. grey hair is a distinguishing characteristic, making the wearer less "cookie cutter"; extremely short hair is good; extreme dye jobs, especially the revolting ones, also lend an air of credibility.

while i was thinking about this most hypocritical, snobbish characteristic of mine i considered that it is the soccer mom image i am opposed to and had a look at what wiki has to say about soccer moms. i don't quite fit the definition thankfully but in my wanderings i found that there is, in fact, a defined soccer mom hair and.....


of all horrors.......

i think mine qualifies


  1. I must confess that I have never quite understood what a "soccer mom" was. Perhaps I am a "soccer dad" as it was me who used to pace the touch-line as my eight year old son would race up the wing.

  2. hey alan! soccer dad doesnt have the same negative connotation at all and doesnt every boy want dad racing up and down the touch line?
    well done

  3. I know what you mean, I think we all have some kind of horror about a collective group of people we don't want to identify with but may actually be rather like ourselves. In my case it's probably the pretentious culture-vulture middle-classes.

    If you actually get to know one of these stereotyped masses on a one-to-one basis, you usually find they're quite likeable....

    Soccer mum/mom isn't a common term in Britain as far as I know. I can't even think of any equalivalent to it. Mums who rush around taking their kids to a zillion special activities are actually quite admired.

  4. Every single one of the women over 40 in my dance class has extremely highlighted, bleach-blonde hair.

    I'm digging my heels in and staying silver!! I never was much of a cookie-cutter.

    I love the way your mind works kylie- how self-aware you are. We all, I think, spend a little time people-watching :)

  5. I just had a chuckle to myself after reading your post. I always looked to see if i was not like one of those overbearing mothers breathing down the neck of the teachers. Always wanting to know why their child isn't getting all the attention they think they may be not getting and feel they should let the teachers know.
    I used to run the second hand uniform shop at the school and was on the parent and friends commitee and tried to make sure i was not one of those mothers.
    High school was so different
    I tried to help in the uniform shop there when she started but i was diplomatically told i was not needed. Therefore i didn't bother after that.

  6. Oh yes I have known that feeling! But not so much this last 18 months, because of where Liam is - not many single moms there - and almost all the women are so well dressed, coiffed, manicured and accessorized. It's rather intimidating, really.

    I've been seriously wondering lately if I made a huge mistake to send him there, scholarship or no. Sure, the education is top notch but he is missing out on so much of the 'normal' high school stuff because of our economic situation. Well, only time will tell.

    Sorry, not much about your post in this, is there. Me, me, me all the time. :)

  7. nick,
    funny how they can be pleasant individuals and obnoxious as a group.

    we dont really tslk much about soccer mums here but i suppose i've picked it up along the way.....

  8. cinnamon,
    go the silver!

    who wants overdone highlights?

  9. hi jo,
    i can hardly believe they didnt need your help! dont schools cry out for involved parents?

  10. megs!
    you, you , you is fine by me :)

    does your choice of school contribute to the financial situation?

    a scolarship is pretty special, you gotta be proud!

    we are fortunate enough that the kids can have most reasonable requests but i wonder if they have any idea what reasonable is or when to stop requesting. they are all getting to be more socially active and i can see a possibility of me going to work just to pay for their entertainment. it's not a nice prospect

  11. Hilarious Kylie! I would have guessed so different on soccer-mom hair! I would have thought more the Megan's school moms hair!
    You are so funny in the sweetest natural way.

  12. You are most definitely not a soccer mom, in the modern sense of the world. You are too free spirited, and have a mind of your own.

    It's one thing to be dedicated to RAISING your children right and guiding them to adulthood the right way. It's quite another to change your personality completely, and become a slave to your kids, where you don't even have an identity anymore.

    You are the former.

  13. Hi Kylie,

    There's all kinds of soccer moms, you know, variations on a theme. You strike me as being aunique, one of a kind person. Not to worry. Maybe conformity is a matter of scale too. Around here, there is and has always been a big social push toward conformity. Don't really understand it, but it is interesting when everyone in one generational set seems to have tattoos and piercings "to be different".

    Best wishes,


  14. Oh yes, the choice of school contributes to our situation. It's not a full scholarship, by any means.

    BUT it may LEAD to a full scholarship at the university level, so right now, we muddle through.

    I still have my doubts about the overall wisdom, though.

  15. Heh, just thinkin' about the grey hairs and the stress factor. And leave it to humans to develope a "soccer mom hair" profile, wot? HA!

  16. Almost forgot about your header quote, up there...nice :)

  17. Well you can always get a hair cut. I imagine in a few years I will be a soccer mom since I am the stay-at-home parent so I guess I better start working on my hair styles. Take care.

  18. merely me
    when i said i qualify for soccer mom hair i was mostly thinking of the definition saying soccer moms dont use product.
    it also said something about unfeminine or whatever and that isnt me. i am woman, hear me roar :)

  19. karen,
    you're so nice to me!
    thank you

  20. hey skeeter,
    your comment about piercings and tatts to be different reminds me of my dad, who says the most radical people often look ordinary

  21. megs,
    well, i think that if you can work towards a full scholarship it's a great thing and i admire you for making the neccessary sacrifices now. they say delayed gratification is good for us :)

  22. subby
    theres a bible verse that says something about grey hair showing wisdom. it seems i have lots of wisdom i dont want to show off :)

    and yes, the blessing on the header is a real good one. take it personal, please

  23. shifester,
    if you wanna do the soccer mom thing you prolly should start early, you have some ground to make up :)


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