Poem 48

 

Church meets again

but no singing in this plague.

Maracas fill in.

Poem 41

Forty desert days

Jesus walked and talked

Drawing from His Source

Poem 37

 

Let us wake the sun

with extravagant praise of 

transcendent beauty.

Poem 30

 

All powerful one

we look to you for healing

from so many ills.

Poem 24

 

God in her heaven

invested in my great good

Her plan always schmick.

Tsoureki

After I arrive at playgroup every week, I take $10 from the cash box and take a short walk around the corner to see what I can buy for morning tea. The menu is not fixed but I seem to have evolved a system of serving fruit, something sweet, some crackers and cheese. There were crackers in the cupboard and parents bring fruit so I just had to figure out something sweet and choose some cheese.

There were all kinds of specials happening this week, including Greek Easter bread (tsoureki) at half price so I decided to grab some of that. A whole loaf of toastable sweet bread for about $2.50 would provide the sweet treat for the littles as well as something to go with cups of coffee for the grown-ups. It was a bargain I couldn't go past.

Then I saw a new (to me) product: Sesame and Sumac hommous. maybe it was the alliteration in the name or maybe it was the prospect of trying something with sumac but I decided to ditch the cheese idea and get the hommous instead.

One of the grandmas was very taken with the tsoureki and she turned to another grandma near by, asking her to try it. I knew that grandma number 2 had come to Australia from some European place a long time ago and there was a good chance she was already familiar with tsoureki. She graciously took a piece of the shop-bought bread and quietly told me that she makes her own every easter. It takes half a day. She impressed on me the name of the flavouring agent "mahlepi" and we chatted about the long process of raising and kneading the dough. It was a sweet moment of connection for me.

Several people wanted to know where to buy the bread and what was the dip that had the kids so keen to eat. It was a remarkable success, though I could have done without the many, many crumbs that seemed to multiply as they fell!

Going to Hell in a Hand Basket

I read Christian writers every day, looking for challenge, inspiration or just a broader view of "the church" and a life of faith than what I am exposed to in my own church.

Today I read this commentary on the death of the church:

At the same time, we are seeing the results of a society that is attempting to shut God out. Every day, in Britain, at least 312 couples are divorced. Somebody calls the Samaritans every five seconds. The pornographic industry in the UK is worth over £1 billion annually. There are 30,000 Christian clergy of all types, and more than 80,000 registered witches and fortune tellers.

I'm not at all sure I can agree with this hand wringing. Divorce is certainly a painful and costly business but does a high divorce rate reflect a fracturing of our society or does it reflect an honesty we didn't see in the past? After the messy and painful part, could divorce be making room for more love in people's lives, rather than less?

Calls to The Samaritans could also be seen as a good thing, surely? The commitment of volunteers, the increased awareness of mental illness and the trust displayed by those who reach out for help are all positive signs. Mental health issues seem to be becoming more prevalent but are they? or do we talk about it more? Twenty, thirty or forty years ago were there less people suffering loneliness, anxiety and depression or were they just suffering in silence, self medicating, chugging valium and putting on a brave face? or maybe they had a brief period of illness and got locked up in an inappropriate psych facility for decades?

Porn is a scourge, it demeans everyone who is involved in it but again, does it reflect a society devoid of goodness and love? or a reality which has always been with us?

I have seen society change in my lifetime, we have a long way to go but there has been progress made in the areas of equality for women and the disabled, LGBT rights and race equality. Forced adoption has lost traction, alienating single mothers and divorcees is less common, we institutionalise people less than we have in the past and there is growing acknowledgement of some sins of the past (slavery and the Stolen Generations come to mind.)

I am tired of the thought that God is ignored, society is declining, the death of the church is imminent and we are all on the way to hell in a hand basket. 

The function of the church is (or should be) to love. I want the church to stop the wailing and gnashing of teeth, stop the grief over a changing world and celebrate what Love has achieved. Christianity is not meant to be easy or comfortable so maybe we should see empty pews as a sign that God believes in us, that He is stretching us to become bigger and more whole. Can we consider that he is asking us to Love more and better, challenging His people to create change in the future?

Kismet

Last year a client gifted me this water filter, it's rather lovely isn't it? Anyways, we already had a built in filter and this one was taking premium counter space so i tried to sell it. I think I had about four interested parties but none of them ended up buying and knowing it's value I decided to just keep it until an opportunity presented itself.
Then the first born got the fluoride fixation, then I found that it's possible to buy a flouride filter to fit this jar. A single filter will be a lot cheaper than any kind of brand new filtration unit.
That leaves the problem of where to put it but with our imminent feng-shui furniture re-shuffle, I'm thinking we could maybe find room for a nice timber water stand.
I was talking about all this to the first born and his gf and they giggled like I was a mad woman but they can giggle. Call it divine intervention, fate, serendipity, kismet or providence, I think the whole scenario was designed for me.

On Faith #1

It has been suggested to me that maybe I should write about my faith. Being asked to write about  my faith seems to me to be like trying to describe who I am or explain what the sky looks like. It is an endless topic and one I am completely unsure of writing about.

Today I will just outline why I usually don't say too much about my Christianity:

• I know that I am imperfect and I know that Christians are well scrutinised for any hint of nastiness or hypocrisy. If anyone were to criticise me I wouldn't like it but assuming the criticism to be correct I would have to accept it. If, on the other hand, my bad behaviour or even perceived bad behaviour reflected badly on my faith I really would not like that. There are enough badly behaved Christians out there, I don't want to be added to the ranks. And I don't want to let the team down.
• I think that many times Christians are viewed as weird or bible bashing or generally unsavoury and I never wanted my religion to define me before I was known and defined by my character. I didn't want to lose credibility for myself or my interpretation of Christianity before I was even known.
• The majority of my (dwindling number of) readers are openly atheist and  i don't have any desire to alienate people by talking about things they find irrelevant at best.
• My religious education is far from scholarly and religion rarely makes any kind of rational sense so I know that it will take all of about five seconds before I am faced with some unanswerable question and while I am prepared to live with uncertainty, i know that it is not a good look for someone who claims to believe in something. 

Ask questions if you like, i give no guarantees about the answers, but ask :)

#lettherebelight #illridewithyou

I have two clients waiting for their babies to arrive and while I observe and support them I am also considering the birth of Jesus 2000 years ago, the story of Christmas.
A mother nearing the end of pregnancy is usually not sleeping well, she is uncomfortable and anxious to meet her little one. She is probably a little afraid of what labour will bring and there tends to be a bit of an emotional roller coaster happening. The more spiritually inclined of birth workers acknowledge this stage as an important transition, something to be treated with patience and respect. One birth planning guide I use suggests that when a woman has finished planning everything related to her birth and baby she should hold a mother blessing as a ceremonial marker of the transition from thinking and planning (birth, nursery, support networks etc) to being  (a mother).
The birth of baby Jesus was a long time ago but Christmas is still a relevant cultural prompt, calling us to be still for a moment, maybe make a spiritual transition and consider our being. 
This year, Australians have a heightened sense of the worldwide need for "light" which can describe so many divine qualities: joy, peace, hope, compassion, patience, forgiveness and love.

This Christmas, I hope that all of you can find ways to experience some light and be some light.

Blessings to you all
Kylie xo

One Christian's Conscience on ~ Animal Welfare

This exchange took place on Snowbrush's blog and I decided I would respond. I can't speak for anyone but myself, obviously, but Christianity gets a bad rap and it is a pity because it is the Christians rather than the Christ who let the show down.

"This woman who tried to get her church people to help with 60 kittens and cats she found abandoned, and none would..."

"I've never known of a church to do anything to help animals. I think it safe to say that, as an entity, the church regards animals as unimportant, probably because they aren't perceived as having souls (and therefore emotions much like our own), and partly because the Bible describes them as being put here for the use of the human species. Help a person, and you might save a soul from everlasting torment (or at least oblivion). Help an animal, and it will be forever dead in 5-10 years anyway."

I believe that the church as an institution should primarily be busy with the concerns of humanity and that those needs are so extensive that we need to direct limited resources towards people. I don't believe that animals are unimportant, lacking in souls or immune to physical or emotional suffering, therefore it is the responsibility of all Christians, as private citizens, to be responsible for their own treatment of animals, both in their direct interaction with animals and indirectly through their spending habits. The bible is clear on it's instruction for us to be stewards of all we are given and it is also specific about the need to show compassion to our animals.

I learnt compassionate treatment of animals as a child in my parent's home, I very much doubt that Mum or Dad regarded it as a specifically Christian compulsion, more one of general decent humanity but of course, nobody can lay claim to Christianity if they are unable to achieve a life of basic decency.

As I have extended my awareness of all sorts of things I have realised that it is not just the animals I come into direct contact with that need my consideration but also the ones I am responsible for by way of how I spend. I can't say that every animal product I buy is completely ethical. I am aware, for example, that male calves born in the dairy industry are often quickly and wastefully disposed of, yet I continue to enjoy dairy products with (mostly) little thought of the calves. I ease my conscience on this matter by sometimes substituting dairy products with plant based alternatives and acknowledging that even small changes in habit are great when multiplied by repetition and lasting change is better achieved when one enters into it slowly but with full commitment.
I buy free range chicken at times and always barn laid or free range eggs, I also cook one or two meat free meals every week for the purposes of killing less animals, lessening our family's environmental impact by way of meat production and teaching my children to regard animal products more as a luxury than some kind of inalienable right. Now that my conscience has demanded these actions and believing that conscience is God's instruction, tailored to me personally, it becomes a sin for me to revert to any old habits.

I started this post by referencing sixty abandoned kittens and cats and while I have no inclination to add to our current menagerie, if I were faced with an immediate need like that one, I would have no hesitation in giving foster care to a homeless cat or two and would then try to rehome them myself or find a reputable shelter to leave them in.

Speaking of shelters, my charity dollar is sometimes directed towards animal welfare but with limited funds my donations are limited so I also use the commercial side of RSPCA operations as vet care providers for my own animals, that way an unavoidable expense has some value to an animal welfare charity. 

I would never buy an animal from a puppy farm or pet shop while there are shelters full of rescue opportunities and I regard the spay/ neutering of any animal I own as an essential part of responsible pet ownership.

You may argue that my efforts towards animal welfare are merely efforts at ethical behaviour, in no way related to Christianity and i would agree that I don't need to be Christian to have ethics, ultimately the difference is in accountability. If I am to identify as an ethical human being I am responsible to myself and the animals. As a Christian I am bound by my own conscience in tandem with written biblical instruction to be compassionate and a good steward, with these factors in mind I become accountable to God Himself for my actions in these matters. 

Boom to Bust

Every day I receive emails from advocacy groups, petitioning me for financial contributions or asking me to lend my voice to various causes. Governments and corporations are the targets and I am reminded that our current federal government was elected by the people. If my inbox is to be believed, the people are not overly happy with their elected representatives so either, the unhappy few whose petitions I receive were the ones voted for "someone else" or the ones who did vote for this government have become disillusioned.
Of course we know that this is the way with humanity, with leadership and loyalty; almost every leader eventually becomes unpopular. The fall from grace in any relationship happens when the honeymoon ends and the "beloved" is finally seen as human and fallible. In the political arena (as with the personal) the expectation may have been unrealistic to start with or the politician might just fall victim to their inability to please enough of the people enough of the time......
Back to Australian politics: I think about the last election and I know that mostly, this government was elected not for their policies and promises but for the fact that they were not the incumbents at the time, they were elected to be the saviours from a weak and fragmented Labour Party and it wasn't very sound reasoning. Our collective dislike of our previous leadership has led to a situation where the new, anticipated saviour is eroding public freedoms, human rights, education, technological progress and  environmental protections.
Our political reality parallels in some ways with the events of Palm Sunday, Holy Week and Easter, summarised here:

"...the praise the people lavished on Jesus was not because they recognized Him as their Messiah. They welcomed Him out of their desire for a deliverer, someone who would lead them in a revolt against Rome. .... But when He failed in their expectations, when He refused to lead them in a massive revolt against the Roman occupiers, .....the crowds quickly turned on Him. Within just a few days, their Hosannas would change to cries of “Crucify Him!” Those who hailed Him as a hero would soon reject and abandon Him."

http://www.gotquestions.org/triumphal-entry.html#ixzz2yxTgYs3v

In both cases the people (rightly or wrongly) place an expectation on the saviour, in both cases they become bitter when their expectations go unmet. In the case of Australian politics there may not have been enough attention paid to what was actually being promised, in the case of Jesus' significance as a leader there was a fundamental misunderstanding of the promise.

As I reflect on the state of my country and on this pivotal week in the life of the church I am led to consider some questions, not just for my nation or my own life and spiritual journey but questions for all of humanity, individually and in our various collectives, at all times: What is it that we want saving from? Is that a realistic hope? Is that where the real danger lies? and where should we look for the salvation we need?

Mister Jensen strikes again

As a Christian ( a liberal styled one ) I spend some time thinking about how to respond to the teachings of the church in the context of the society I live in. I live with some fear of negatively representing my faith and some discomfort about the general image portrayed by the churches. The Jesus I understand stood for empowerment, equality, tolerance, responsibility and LOVE, 
he was a radical, unapologetically anti-fundamentalist in the context of His time so in light of all of that I am appalled, enraged and disgusted that the Anglican diocese of Sydney, under the leadership of archbishop Peter Jensen is yet again wandering the path of fundamentalism and proposing an addition to the marriage vows:

 ''Will you honour and submit to him, as the church submits to Christ?'' and for her to pledge ''to love and submit'' to her husband."

What on earth do they think they are doing????

The bishop thinks that the word "submit" is more nuanced and responsive than the old "obey" which was made optional nearly 100 years ago in 1928. But is it? really? Is "submit" more gentle or acceptable than "obey"?

"Obey" implies doing what one is told, regardless of but maintaining, personal opinion, "submit" would almost imply that there is no room for personal opinion.

In the interests of full disclosure, fairness etc the philosophy is defined clearly as a woman  submitting to a husband who loves her sacrificially and I believe that in these circumstances a very considered and intelligently managed version of submission might work. The thing is, if the submission is intelligent and managed and dependent on circumstance there are so many factors to consider that it barely even qualifies as submission, in which case it is moot and submission, as a principle, is too broad a brush stroke, too general, too unintelligent, too unexamined to be in the marriage vows.

Once we talk of submission we forget that the submission depends on a husband who is wise, sacrificial and has the best interests of his wife and family at heart. It doesn't allow for the wife to have a clearer view on any given issue, it doesn't allow for the husband to be having a bad day or generally out of his depth or dumb and it certainly doesn't allow for the fact that with many, many people the word submit is all they will hear, paving the way for women to be subjugated, authorising men to subjugate and yet again showing the world outside the church that we are backward, fundamentalist, unthinking, misogynistic and irrelevant.

The words in the vow ONLY talk of submission and I am mad. There could be hundreds, thousands even, of people like me: thoughtful self examining Christians doing their darnedest to reflect the beauty of the real Christian message and it is all overshadowed by one synod, one bishop, one archbishop who are so deeply rooted in their (possibly erroneous) theology that they cannot see the wood for the trees and consequently the whole church suffers, the public once again see an institution full of naive, irrelevant, alienating do-gooders and we open the door for religiously sanctioned control and domination of women in marriage.

I don't think Jesus would be signing up for this version of marriage, not for a second.

peaks & troughs

my life has taken on a new rhythm these days. there is a rush to get everyone fed and out the door in the morning, i settle into my chosen pace for school hours (usually slow) and after school i drive the kids to their various activities, do dinner, shop or whatever needs to be done. it's a peak and trough kind of existence and i'm happy with that.
on a different level, i have some troughs wondering whether i will ever work again because as much as i loved my doula studies, love watching birth videos, love reading birthy books and am dead sure i will be a great doula, i have to get some clients. i have had a couple of leads but pregnant women seem not to answer their phones very consistently. then again, i dont answer the phone consistently and i have no distracting hormones or nursery make-overs to blame.
spending a lot of time at home is a peakish thing, i am delighted to be available to deliver forgotten lunches or  assignments, visit the lost property department at the bus station, shop for fresh fruit and veg at the markets rather than the supermarket and generally have a relaxed and rich kind of a life away from the sense of desperation i felt when i was trying to please bosses who couldnt be pleased. i miss the social contact of a regular working life but that small trough is a minor price to pay balanced against the psychic pain of being disapproved of every single day.
in a strange little twist my facebook feed has become full of human rights posts relating either to refugee issues or to freedom of choice in birth. i have always been a supporter in theory of human rights but not had any active involvement. i still dont have active involvement  but i am surprisingly a step closer. it's not something i ever imagined for myself and it has all come about in a short period of time.
i continue to visit the detention centre and feel comfortable there. one of "my guys" cooks lunch and a few of us eat together. i feel it a privilege to break bread with them, even more so when i realise that the menu is set well in advance. prawn curry was last week's offering and this week will be chicken biriani.
one detainee always calls me "sister" i'm not sure whether that's to save him trying to remember an unfamiliar name or if it's a mark of respect but i have to say i really like it. i feel that i am really trusted and i am honored  to have such a position but i discovered, too, the responsibility of that trust when one of those men admitted to me a history of domestic violence. he was unapologetic about his actions and his manner of explaining triggered some uncomfortable feelings for me, for a  moment i imagined that i could never visit him again but just as quickly as i thought it, i realised that i could not abandon this man who obviously knew nothing better.

the peaks and troughs of my daily life have changed from a meaningless, extreme roller coaster ride to an exploration of faith and personal values and it all feels so much more fruitful....or potentially fruitful.....or some other poetic and worthy statement.

if you have time to take the slow road, please do. everyone should try it.

a portrait of our chef in detention, as displayed on the refugee art website. this man, a stateless, minority rohingya  from myanmar  has spent three years in villawood and a total of six years of his life in immigration detention. he is now very concerned for the welfare of his people as the rohingya people face a new wave of genocide in the violence that is sweeping western burma.

i think therefore i am

the relationship between thought and reality, or thought and circumstance has been a recurring theme in my life of late. learning about childbirth has reinforced to me over and over, that the circumstances of a birth, the gory detail of inductions, episiotomies, maternal exhaustion, forceps delivery, ventouse extraction (extraction? really?) and the big childbirth C aesarean, are determined in some part, maybe even in large part, by the thoughts of the birthing woman.

it makes sense really but nobody explains it to the expectant mother. if unexplored and unaddressed, the fears and concerns that a mother has going into her pregnancy, labour and birth will produce an adrenaline "fight or flight" response and the name says it all: fight or flight leaves no room for birth! the fight or flight hormones work contrary to the hormones of labour, in fact they are designed to shut down a labour, saving the life of the mother in a dangerous situation and allowing her to delay the birth for a safer time and place. all of this sounds a little extreme but if you apply the same logic to a wild animal it makes sense and we really aren't so far removed from the animals when basic instinct and survival is involved.

a scared mum leads to delayed and complicated labour and lets face it, what new mother wouldnt be a little afraid? bringing a new life into the world is the biggest responsibility we will ever face and one of the greatest unknowns. all of this is known as the fear-tension-pain response.

(at some level) i think i cant birth, therefore i cant?

moving into the post natal period, women who had the positive emotional support of a doula at their child's birth, felt empowered during the experience and suffered less birth trauma are proven to have less post natal depression, bond to baby better, breastfeed more easily and express greater confidence as mothers.

i think i can mother confidently and competently, therefore i can?

after all of that reflection on birth and mothering i came across a documentary called "what the bleep do we know?" which i cant really begin to explain to you here because i would have to watch it and cogitate on it at least 100 more times to begin to understand but what i will say is that it lives up to the hype as a "revolutionary cinematic blend of dramatic film, documentary, animation and comedy, while serving up a mind-jarring blend of Quantum Physics, spirituality, neurology and evolutionary thought."

i love to say i watched a doco on quantum physics, by the way :)

despite my inability to explain it all the film explained and hypothesised a whole lot of things including the fact that our reality is shaped by our thoughts and not in a vague hippy or self help kind of way but genuinely and scientifically: the way we experience the world around us is determined by the way we think. we influence the people around us by our thoughts, we create health or illness by our thoughts, we create or happiness, successes and emotional strengths or weaknesses through our thoughts.

quantum physics teach us that there is no reality without a mind to interpret that reality. that's not philosophical rhetoric, it's science and when we accept that our mind is essential to the very existence of something we call reality then naturally our thoughts create our realities.

every single aspect of our lives: health, luck, career, relationships, joy and pain are all inextricably bound to our thoughts and if that wasnt enough we see that God is explained as well! the existence and functioning of God is explained by quantum physics and if you dont believe there is a God, wont believe it, cant believe it or struggle with it in any way this film puts it all into some kind of rational order. or maybe my mind did that because thats the reality i created but it was a product of my mind together with outside factors and is therefore real.

some time ago i had this brief exchange on facebook and i want to quote it. i found it amazing at the time and now even more so: two of us, in the intellectual, philosophical, largely Godless wasteland that is facebook, inadvertently stumbled around the edge of the truths powering the universe.


Larry:
"Mr. Shermer delves into the neuroscience of "the believing brain" where he cites research suggesting that people with high levels of the feel-good neurochemical dopamine "are more likely to find significance in coincidences and pick out meaning and patterns where there are none." When we come across information that confirms what we already believe, we get a rewarding jolt of dopamine. "
"Shermer doesn't take religious faith seriously except as an object for debunking—God is simply the human explanation for pattern-making and agency on an epic scale. "

Mr Shermer.....just maybe the dopamine is actually God's way of telling us that we're on the right track.......‎"

Kylie:

"God is simply the human explanation for pattern-making and agency on an epic scale." and isnt epic scaled pattern making and agency pretty much a synonym for God? "

it's ok if you think i'm grandly delusional, just watch the film and whether you agree with me about the God thing or not you wont regret the 108 minutes.

it's friday.....

......but sunday's comin'

is the slogan in a video sermon i saw in church today. i thought it was a great motif so i did some googling and found that it is one of, if not the most famous, Good Friday sermon of recent times. i guess i'm not up with trends in Christian media.

on the very first easter friday Jesus was cruelly crucified. only a week earlier Jesus had made his triumphant entry to Jerusalem and was lauded, something like a celebrity. there was an atmosphere of goodwill and generosity in Jerusalem but the crowds were fickle and in the following days we see a smorgasbord of humanity's ugliness with Jesus suffering betrayal, pain, abandonment and the results of cowardice. on friday Jesus was alone, humiliated, suffering mentally and physically before being executed.

at daybreak on sunday Jesus was alive, whole and walking in the garden. walking at daybreak is serene, life affirming, healthy and uplifting. for a Christian His new life means that all the forces of evil are defeated. it's an exciting prospect if one can cope with the admittedly mind bending metaphysics.

anyone who knows me knows that i struggle as much as anybody with some of the big ideas of Christianity, that i cant and wont try to convince anyone that there is a God, cant adequately explain suffering, dont know nearly enough to explain the contradictions of the bible and am sometimes dismayed by the church. regardless of all of that, i am happy to say that i know Jesus and wish to be like Him. the great message of easter, the overwhelming, fantastic, unbelievable story is the guiding, reassuring light of my life but some days the light is dim: i have my fridays, i watch other people suffer their fridays, sometimes it seems that it's friday 31 days a month.

today the hopeful message of easter for me was simply that sunday, day of health, serenity and life, is coming!

to all of you, i wish you a life made up of lots and lots of sundays!

the atheists vs the Christians

i'm getting a little upset by the whole atheist/ Christian thing. the Christians sometimes behave badly, the atheists point out the shortcomings of the Christians and they are entitled to do that, the Christians do nothing to redeem themselves. a life of faith turns into a joke or worse and i start to wonder if i should ever admit to darkening the door of a church, not because i dont trust the atheists but because i know i cant be perfect in the face of scrutiny.

let me address some of the issues....and some of the "issues"

• i'm awfully sorry that religious themed Christmas stamps are foisted upon people who dont care for them. i had no idea it mattered. i dont notice religious imagery on stamps or cards or anywhere else until i am actually thinking of the Christmas story. to me it is just part of the mindless clutter that goes along with Christmas.
• if you want to put the idea of the trinity in the "delusional" basket you are welcome. it's a hard concept to wrap ones head round and i view God as God most of the time. Jesus belongs to a specific time and place, the Holy Spirit is like the disembodied voice of God on the phone and God God, The God, is the name of the entity who covers all the understanding i have of who God is, all the incarnations, even though only one was incarnate.
• i'm sorry about priests who abuse children, inspire fear, place guilt trips, rape parishioners. these people failed in a big way and the rest of us dont like it and power is abused and it's not acceptable but it's life. those acts and those people are not representative of the God i believe in.
• suffering is no fun, thats why it is suffering and i dont like it any more than anyone else, especially where innocents are hurt but i do honestly believe that suffering does us good, not because i am obliged to say that but because it does. when we suffer we grow and God knows i get sick of growing sometimes but i like who it makes me.
• i am sorry if you attend public events and are forced to endure prayers or bible readings you have no interest in (unless it's a church event, where you need to expect it) my opinion is that there is no need to impose my religious observance on others. i need to impose God on you by imitating Jesus in whatever way i am able but i dont think that arrogant display of religious practice is the way to go about that.
• i have a total dislike of self congratulatory, self righteous styled Christian chain emails. i guess atheists dont get those and thank heaven they dont. Christians who do that kind of thing are just trying to convince themselves of their rightness but in all truth their belief in an incomprehensible deity will only be justified completely when they die. Until that time they should be humble with the knowledge that there is a possibility that its all a construct.
• i dont really care who you have sex with and doubt Jesus does either, as long as it's respectful and honest. i say that easily but it's not really so easy and if you achieve it regularly you will be doing better than most.
• i dont like the idea of abortion and i would always encourage people to find another way if they can but at the same time i believe firmly that most of us do the best we are able so if we really value the lives of the accidentally conceived there is a societal change needed, not judgement on women.

now let me paraphrase myself from a comment i made at snow's blog:

I am sorry that the church and individuals representing the church have done so much damage in the name of Christ. I understand the atheistic difficulty in believing in an incomprehensible and unprovable God and I struggle with theology, with suffering and with hypocrisy BUT a few years ago I met a Christian man who embodied my idea of who Jesus was. Loving everybody was a lifestyle rather than an emotion for him and it was a beautiful thing. At the end of the day, all doubts and difficulties aside, that is who I want to be, if it also gains me eternal life so much the better.

What bad you see in me is me, what good you see in me should be credited to my God.

" Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth."

We all wear masks at times, i suppose, at the very least we extend and reduce aspects of our personalities to fit various situations: conscientious at work, funny with our friends maybe, sexy for the online dating profile, caring with the kids.....you know the kind of thing.

I have often pondered on these multiple personalities and wondered what is real and what is not. Interestingly enough the answer is only just now, as I write, clear. The work persona is as conscientious as a person is able to be because we want and need our jobs. The funny persona (if we have one) is as funny as we are able because who wants to be unfunny?

Our situation specific personas are real because they are limited by what is really there, who we really are. These personas are not exactly masks but more like caricatures.

All of this ran through my mind when the title quote (from Oscar Wilde) was drawn to my attention. Do these personas reflect a person's truth or do they function as a mask of sorts?

The quote says "Give him a mask..." does a mask have to be provided by a third party in order to reveal truth? Is it possible for an individual to create their own mask at all? What kind of masks are there? and

Is it true that we tell our truths more fully when we are masked?

I only have the most basic of ideas in possible answer to these questions and I would love for you to throw in your thoughts so please do that....

What I will say is that stage personas as adopted by actors or musicians sometimes reveal a more complete picture of the person than their everyday personality which is reserved and muted. The stage provides the mask of an adopted character maybe? which i would best express in an imaginary statement "I can be who I am because everyone thinks I am being somebody else"

Following the same example, the actor doesnt create their own mask, we might think they do, but in fact we confer it on them when we become audience and permit them to experiment with truth.

Alcohol tends to make people tell their truths but it couldnt be called a mask. Alcohol is more like an eraser that converts the caricature to a true to life image (the metaphor is falling apart but you get it, right?)

If we allow our religion, our prophets and our holy books to justify bigotry or a desires to repress others is that a mask? Do we use religion to tell the ugly truths we could not otherwise utter about ourselves?

Tell me what you think.

It's nearly One am....In The Morning

and yes, the "in the morning" is redundant, that's why i put it there! i'm relaxed and chatty and thought i would do a post regardless of the hour.

I finished my Christmas food shopping today, spent a minor fortune in my favourite fruit market come deli. I have become so caught up in silliness that i havent been to that shop in a very long time and i wonder why on earth not. It's a fantasia of good, honest stuff: vegetables and cheeses and biscuits and pasta......
we have a box of my favourite mangoes: calypso; we have halloumi and feta and peaches to grill with brown sugar, we have mushrooms and zucchini, potatoes to roast, broccoli and asparagus. we have turkey and camembert and the makings of punch.

we also have my katten, oscar, soon to be mum & dad's cat. she will provide Christmas-day-pouncing-on -wrapping-paper entertainment. i rescued oscar as a two week old kitten, crying and drenched on a rainy day, no mama in sight. she nearly died of flea anaemia and cost me another minor fortune but she is now seven weeks, doubled her weight, behaving like a cat and worth it? you bet!

i have gifts for all but my wee nephew, as a male he is already impossible to buy for, even at the age of three and the local toy store has closed it's doors. there would have been something there for him but now there is a scourge of the earth dollar store.

i seem to have left the grinch behind, which is easy really, when one is blessed as i am. the greatest gift for me in this season of gifts is the knowledge that the universe truly is unfolding as it should. i dont always like it but who likes whats good for them?

i thank you for keeping on reading and commenting, even when i rudely neglect to reply. i cant explain why i do that except to say that life has taken on a different rhythm lately and a girl has to roll with the punches.

thank you, thank you, thank you for your input to my blog and my life. i wish you joy today and enough other days to make the crummy ones worth fighting through.


" The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness the prisoners" Isaiah 61:1

From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it. ~Katharine Whitehorn

I am feeling particularly grinch-like right about now.

The proliferation of Christian imagery that is to be seen in society at this time bothers people who dont relate to it and I am disappointed that anything related to my faith bothers anyone else. I feel the same about that as I do about the stolen generations; that is that I have no personal responsibility for the issue but as part of the group which caused the offence I wish things were different.

I also have an enormous problem with the K mart wishing tree. People buy things (probably from K mart) and put them under the tree for an under privileged child and their motives are honorable but K mart or whichever retailer the gift is purchased from are raking in the profit from the good intentions of the populace, a populace who are already handing their hard earned to the retailers at an alarming rate. The gifts are not targeted, who knows whether there are more Barbie dolls given than girls to play with them (and yes, boys can play with Barbie if they wish but realistically most people wouldn't give Barbie to a boy) there may be too many gifts for 5 year olds and nowhere near enough for ten year olds. It's just a logistical nightmare which encourages waste.

Then there are the gift catalogues where you buy a goat in a developing nation and give a postcard featuring the goat to your intended gift recipient. Dont bother doing that for me, please! If you want to give me something for my own pleasure I will be very grateful to receive it and if you would rather give someone a goat by all means give them a goat but please dont give me the picture of the goat and pretend it's a gift for me because it's not. If you want to make a stand against the commercialism of the season I will support you all the way but giving pictures of goats (or chickens, toilets, taps or sewing machines) is the cowards way.

As a Christian it is a struggle to find a meaningful spiritual message for the season because it is so easy to get caught in the rush of parties and carolling and gift buying and turkey and ham and decorations......

So I am left with the question of how best to remember and celebrate the birth of history's greatest lover?

Reluctantly I have to say the first step would have to be giving up on the grinch.